I drove for almost 12 hours today. Holli and the kids are back home, safe and sound. Jacob was my travel buddy. We met Devin 1/2 way, which brought us just south of Memphis. Jacob and I had a nice, quiet ride home. He spent the day with Mike yesterday and when asked if he enjoyed having each of us to himself for the day, he replied "we should do this more often".
I really enjoy when I get to spend one on one time with the kids. It helps us to reconnect and get to know each other a little better. I am proud of the people my children are becoming. I get sad when I think about them growing up and away from me. I want them to be independant and well adjusted adults. But at the same time, I struggle with the thought of them being adults!
When I though of having kids, I never really thought past the kid stages. I don't think anyone starts out wanting kids just so they can raise teenagers! I absolutely love watching children grow from a helpless infant, into a thinking, caring, loving being. But I have to admit that I am struggling with the thought of my kids being so independant. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a Mom. To think of their being a time, in the not so distant future, when my kids will not need me, breaks my heart a little. I can't imagine my life without the responsiblity of my children. For so long now, they have been a huge part of how I defind myself. I know in the long run, it will all work out. I guess I'm just afraid of what the future holds. There are so many evils in this world.
I'm sure my Mom had this same thoughts about us as we were growing up. I joined the Army and left home a week after my 18th birthday. I was the first and only of 5 to leave home. Thinking back, I can't imagine what she must have felt. I can't imagine just letting my kids go out into the world. For her to have just watched me pack a small duffle and walk away must have been so hard for her. But, I am so glad she was able to put her feelings aside and allow me to become who I am. I only hope I can find that strength in myself when it's time to let my kids grow.
Today's picture is Jacob. This picture was taken on Friday when we took the kids to see the tanks and other Army equipment on post. My nephews really enjoyed running around and checking it all out. Jacob doesn't let me take his picture often, so it's a realy treat to capture a genuine smile from him!