Sunday, October 29, 2006

For True...

this time
next week
i will be
in his arms

Friday, October 20, 2006

Long Road Home

Mike has been away for eight and a half months. He came home for a couple of weeks at the end of May/early June. We still have eight and a half months, at least, until he is back home with us.

Last Friday, the 13th, marked another tragedy for our troops. Mike's platoon lost a soldier to an IED. I can not begin to describe to you the emotions this has stirred. What I felt when I posted a few weeks ago about losing a soldier doesn't even come close to how I felt when we lost 'one of ours'.

When all the talk of Mike going to Iraq came about, I wrote about how I felt, and how we came to the decision for Mike to go to Iraq. He really felt a pull to go with this group of soldiers. As much as I hate the idea of him being there, I feel pride for him doing what he feels he needs to do. I have never met any of the soldiers in Mike's platoon. But I know that each one of them mean something to him.

I wish there was way for me to know these soldiers. Because they mean so much to my husband. Because they are family now. Because you can't go through what they are experiencing without some form of attachment. I wish I knew these soldiers becaue they are brave and young and scared and heroes.

I know that we have a long road left ahead of us. Mike will be home in early December for a couple of weeks. Then he goes back to Iraq. From there, we don't yet know where he will go. That past eight and a half months has passed fairly quick. Sometimes I think back on something that has happened and remember that Mike wasn't home for it. I think the next eight and a half months will be harder. Partly because they haven't passes yet, but partly because I am more accutely aware of what I stand to lose. The only thing that will relieve the fears is having Mike home in my arms.

I know this experience will change him. I'm sure it has already changed me. I know that I've grown as a person since he has been gone. I've made some realizations about myself. Our relationship has also grown. I've seen alot more of Mike, or made some realizations, that will definately come into play once we are together again. And I believe these are all positive things.

I can't wait for him to be here. To be a part of our day to day lives again. The kids have done well with the deloyment so far. Much better than I imagined. I feel it's time to have Mike back home though. Because even though we get through our days, we definately feel his absense. And it's hard to share things with such a distance between us. Until this is over, I'll keep looking ahead, counting the months and waiting for him return home.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Soccer Time

The kids are playing soccer. We live at the soccer field now. You can just forward our mail there. Should be easy since someone stole our mailbox.
Here are the kids soccer pictures! :)




They are really enjoying the game. Lauren's favorite part is chasing the boys.. man are we in trouble! LOL

Friday, October 06, 2006

Not Sure What to Say

Mike’s unit has lost a soldier. Sniper.

The feelings are overwhelming. I was ok at first. It hit me on the way to school. I can’t imagine and yet I do. And I am trying to process the emotions. But it’s difficult. So many different aspects to examine.

He was a single man. Young, but a man. He is survived by his Mother. Mother. This woman has to bury her son. I can not imagine having to lay my child to rest. I think of why Mike is there and I think that perhaps this young man was there for the same reason. For his country. His honor. His duty. In his Mother’s grief, I hope she can see these things in her son’s death as well. I pray for peace for her, the family.

He was a soldier. They all went there knowing the risks. Some went by choice, some only because they were ordered to do so. All of them are doing their best they know how with what they have. It can’t be easy to be there. And to watch a fellow comrade go down has got to be difficult. It is staring your mortality down. It is knowing that it could have been you.

As a wife of a soldier who is in the same place, I am fearful. This just drive home the danger my husband is in. I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t afraid. I am terrified. My biggest fear is losing him. Because in his absence I have come to realize how much he means to me. It’s easy to lose sight of those things in the everyday drone of life. Some people say that ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’. I say distance makes you realize why you love someone without all those little annoying things getting in the way. We have always had a good marriage. A great marriage. And I feel that we are stronger today than ever.

I know this is going to take some time to process. I know how hard this is for me. I can’t imagine what our troops are feeling. I hope they know that their sacrifices are not in vain. It takes a strong person to go out there and do what our soldiers are doing. It also takes a strong person to stand back and support that. I hope that the Mother of that fallen soldier realizes how strong she is for backing her son, no matter what.