Fear

Through out all of this, I’ve just thought... if I can make it until he comes home, I am good. If only I don’t go insane between now and then. And “then” got pushed back. Twice. And now, we are about 79 or so days away from him coming home. And I can’t believe we are this close. And at the same time, I am skeptical because we have been this close before. And I am terrified. Terrified of what demons we will face once he returns. I am so thrilled to even think of being back in the same house... next to each other. I can’t wait.

I think about the kids and how much it will mean to them to have Dad back home. To be able to help him in the garage and with yard work and just to wrestle with him like they love to do. The transition will be a challenge at times, but it will be so exciting to incorporate him back into our physical everyday lives.

My fear is the changes. The changes that have taken place in Mike as a result of his being where he is. I am aware that there have been changes on both our parts. We have both grown as individuals as well as growing as a couple. My biggest fear is the scars this deployment has left and is leaving. I’ve read about PTSD and it’s a debilitating thing. I just hope that if (and I pray it doesn’t come down to it) Mike suffers from this illness, either one of us, or both, recognizes it and is able to battle it.