I got a new JOB! A paying job, which has me at the school full time. This is why my blog has been so neglected. It was either the blog or the kids, and well, they mean a little more to me! I spent last week in St Louis being trained for this job. Actually, it’s a job that I’ve been training for all my life without knowing. Last week in St Louis was only learning how to fill out the paperwork.
During one of the small group sessions I was sitting across from a woman wearing a gold chain with a pendant of a yellow ribbon hanging from it. I asked where she got it from. She said that it was given to her when her husband was in Iraq last year. He returned home last December, but she was going to wear that pendant until all of our troops returned home. I told her that Mike was in Iraq, forming a bond between her and me. After a lunch break, she approached me, and handed me the pendant from her chain. I told her, choking back tears, that I couldn’t take it. I did take it. I am proudly wearing it around my neck. Until my husband returns. At that point, I will pass it on to someone else just starting on this journey.
A couple of post ago, I wrote about Dad Gone Mad and Project Lovebomb, a site he started about one of our troops. I have been exchanging email with the wife of that soldier. I received one this morning about some of her feelings. It really hit home for me. She mentioned in an email that she published some of her feelings on her personal blog, but was hesitant to put it up there on the Project Lovebomb site. This was my reply:
“It is very scary stuff. I think by you, and us really, acknowledging that, it is
helpful for people to see what we are feeling. To know that what we are
going through is so real. I think this opportunity through DGM and PL has
come about for a reason, and I don't think we know the real reason yet.
What our husbands are out there doing is a very real, very dangerous thing.
I don't believe that we should keep it to ourselves so as not to offend
others. It's our lives, our emotions. We have the right to express them. I
truly think it will help others who may not be able to find the words to
express it themselves.
When someone finds out where my husband is, they start to feel sorry for us.
I don't want sympathy. I want understanding. We were and are well aware of
the risk of him being deployed. We knew when we had kids that part of that
would be spent with Daddy away, because it's the military life. I know alot
of people don't understand what it's like to not know when your loved one is
coming home. But I also wish they would realize it doesn't help to point
out how difficult it must be or 'oh wow, how do you do it?". We just do,
because we have to, ya know.”
I think that by living in a military community, more people around me understand what I am feeling and going through. But for people who aren’t around the military, it is really hard for them to understand what we are experiencing. I got my first real scare last night. I was sitting here reviewing some homework and I saw a white van pull into my driveway. I didn’t recognize it at first and got a huge lump in my throat as I walked toward the door to see who it was, not wanting my children to answer the door should it be men in uniform there to talk to me about their Daddy. It was a friend dropping something off, in her new minivan. But the fear I felt as she drove down my driveway is something I won’t soon forget.