Ramblings

So much to say, yet no words to really capture what I feel.

Mike is experiencing the loss of two more soldiers. A vehicle accident. Could have happened anywhere really. Such a tragedy. We have about four more months until we can see each other again. I am starting to look around for our tickets to Hawaii. It will be pricey, but so worth it. I want to be there when he steps off the plane. To welcome my Hero back to the US. I want to meet his ‘kids’, the soldiers he has spent the last year with. I want to let him know that I love him and I am proud of him. Of all he has done, at the sacrifice he has made for us, for his soldiers, for our country.

When I talk to Mike, it seems like all I do is say I love you. Nothing else seems to matter anymore. Everything pales when I think of what others have lost in this war. It all seems so trivial. What kind of bedspread do you want on the new bed? So trivial in the grand scheme of things. I just hope that I show his how much he means to me. That man is my life. No one has shown me the love and support that he has. He has shown confidence in me when I had none in myself. He has shown me what a beautiful person I am, because he believes in me. He has given me more love that I believe I deserve. He will be the first to tell you that he loved me first. I don’t know how true that is. Sure, he showed it first. But at the time, I was afraid to love. I was afraid of putting myself out there and being hurt again. But the love he showed me was so pure and so true; I couldn’t turn away from him. And looking back on the past 9 years, I am so thankful I followed my heart.

The past 8 months have been difficult for Mike. For all of us really, but more so for him. He is in a far away place, without his loved ones, and in mortal danger. Yes, it is difficult to do this military wife gig, to raise the kids without him here. But I have support; I have family and friends within my reach. And I am not in the danger he is in. I can’t imagine being in his shoes. Experiencing what he has. I can’t fathom what he has seen, what he has done. He has more strength that I ever thought a person could. I am proud of him. For what he does, for who he is. He went to Iraq with this group of men and women because he believed in them. He took them there out of a calling from within. And I stand here and support him. Because he is a wonderful, giving person who thinks of others before himself. He knew the sacrifices going in, and he chose to be a leader. Sure, he gets frustrated. But it is because he cares. If he didn’t, he would have stayed in Korea and would be returning to us tomorrow, the anniversary of when he left here. Instead he chose the other path. We knew it would be a longer time apart, we knew the sacrifices, and he, we accepted them.

I’ve written before how selfless this man is. I see that more today than ever. I can’t even put into words how fortunate I am to be married to him…