Good Day

I got my referral from tricare. Now I have to call the doctor listed and make an appointment.

On a more exciting front, the kids and I got to watch the troops doing the pugil fights today. I think the kids enjoyed seeing them. I took a few pictures. Here are some of them.

Something Shiny

I had my appointment this morning. Basically, she put in a consult and now we wait again. YAY!

In other news, better news, I went with Mike to 'look' at a Harley Davdison. He has been looking for a week or so. Gas prices are insane and it will save us money in the long run. Needless to say, he drove the bike off the lot and now it is parked in our garage. And boy, is she a beauty!

When the boys stepped off the bus this afternoon, Matthew yelled "we got a bike, sweet!". When I picked Lauren up from Girls Scouts and let her know that we bought a bike, her first question was "Is it shiny?!". Whadda think?

Doctor Appointment

I have an appointment today to see my Primary Care Manager. It took three days of me calling my insurance and two clinics to secure this date and a wait of 9 days. The phone rang at 630 this morning. It was the scheduling part of the insurance company to let me know that my PCM called in sick this morning. Thankfully, I could be seen by another doctor today. Hopefully, they will give me my consult/referral and I can get some answers on what is happening to my body. I will update soon.

What a Pain... the Saga.. Part 2

I posted on the 28th of April, after my ER trip, about my 'female issues'. Well, I've been very patiently waiting for my insurance to call me with a referal to see a gyn. It's been over two weeks, so I decided to call. Insurance claims they have no record of the referral, although I do have a copy in my hands. They tell me to call the Gyn clinic to get an appt, if they can see me. I call Gyn (because when I was transferred, I was hung up on!) and was told that they can see the it was put in for an off post consult, but not a referral. They tell me that they are only seeing prenatal right now. They also say I need to call my clinic to see if my regular doctor can put in the referral. I call my clinic and after being on hold for 9 mins and a snotty rececptionist, I a transferred to my doctors nurse's answering machine. So now, I wait for a call from a clinic which has no clue as to what is going on. The pain is starting to creep back in and I can't imagine going through this again. Except for the fact that I'm still going through it! UGH

Jacob's Not so Great Day

I got a call from my supervisor yesterday that I needed to call the principal at school. (I work for the school, but was out doing home visits) I asked what about and said Jacob. My heart sank.

We have had issues with Jacob and anger for some time. He has done so much better. I have worked with his teacher all year to get Jacob to a point where if he is angry he tells her he needs time and he is taken out of a situation and left to cool down. He has even gotten better at home to where he will separate himself from a conflict.

Well, apparently, yesterday morning before school he and some boys were playing 'stampede'. Jacob was being chased and decided he was done. He went sit by a pole alone. A couple of the boys went over to 'check on him'. Apparently he got angry at one of them and chased him and hit him. Another boy started calling Jacob a cry-baby and just generally teasing him. Jacob then chased that boy and tried to hit him as well. He was restrained by other students. The teacher took notice of what was happened and stepped in.

The kids were asked what happened and the principal called a few in to get their stories. Jacob was given and 'academic reassignment' (read: in school suspension). I talked to the principal, the counselor and Jacob's teacher. I am miffed that the second boy was NOT disciplined (actually, only Jacob was!).

I asked Jacob today if anyone brought it up or if anything was said. I guess the second boy was again teasing Jacob today saying "Wanna put me in a headlock, you should put me in a headlock". I am to the point that I want Jacob to kick the kids ass as he has been bullied all year and I've had enough.

I will go back to the principal tomorrow and ask what is being done about the bullying. Because if Jacob retaliates again as a result of being bullied, I will be pissed if he gets suspended... again! UGH

What a Pain

My periods have been pretty painful for a while now. They aren't irregular. The bleeding isn't unusually heavy. I tend to bloat and get constipated. Last month was extremely painful. I could hardly move and cried to walk or sit. I started this past Saturday and spent yesterday in a ball on the couch. Motrin didn't help.

I got up this morning and got ready for work. The pain was still there and I couldn't see how I would be able to function today. I called to make a same day appt, but they couldn't get me in until tomorrow morning. I ended up going to the ER because I couldn't wait.

When asked what I was there for, I got some strange looks when I said that my uterus hurt. The doctor felt my abdomen and I was in tears it hurt so bad to just be touched. They started an IV and gave me morphine as they wanted to a pelvic exam. That was excruciating! (The pelvic exam). I was then send down for x-rays and as ultrasound.

The doctor came back and told me that I was constipated. (It happens every month when I am on my period). He also felt that was more to it. I have a referral to see a gyn. He basically thinks I have endometriosis. I was sent home with motrin, narcotics and a referral out to a gyn. So, now I wait for the phone call to see what the next steps are.

Busy Times

The end of the school year always bring with it lots of busy-ness. Last Friday night, Lauren had a lock-in for Girl Scouts. She and I got home on Saturday morning and got some rest. Saturday afternoon, I hosted a baby shower for a friend/neighbor. I was so exhuasted that night! Matthew competed in a math competition for a 10 school league on Monday. Tuesday was dance for Lauren. Wednesday was our "no activities after school day" which was filled with spring cleaning. Thursday was my aerobics day and more spring cleaning. Friday was my zoo trip with work. I got home and we had the after cycle party for Mike's drill sgts. It was great to get together with the people he works with. It's nice to put faces to names. Today was Lauren's Girl Scout trip to the Dixie Stampede in Branson. Tonight, we had a coule of friends over for dinner. Tomorrow, Mike is going ATV riding with friends. I hope to get some quilting done and just generally rest and be lazy!! Here are a few pictures from the zoo yesterday:

Two Things That are Pissing Me Off Today:

1. The fact that my washer broke and I can't order a replacement belt over the phone with Sears unless I use my Sears card. I don't have, nor do I want, a Sears card.

2. The fact that Mike's Bank of America card has not worked in 20 months. We got him a replacement while he was in Iraq (which took over 2 months to get to him) and it still didn't work. He accidently used it to pay for something online (it was already saved to a websites pay options) and it magically works now, to the tune of $70 in overdraft fees. And the bank work comp us any of it. Time to close that account!

I want a do over.. on the last 6 weeks or so. I am so beyond frustrated at this point, I just want to be alone for a LONG time. I can usually handle these things and it not make a huge difference in my day, but for some reason, lately, everything just pisses me off... grrrrrrrrr.

Toothless Wonder

Here is a picture of Lauren, taken Easter Sunday. The teeth are growing back now, but it is still so cute to see her smile!

Been a While

I did not realize it had been so long since I last posted. Life has been crazy and it is hard to keep up.

My Mom has been sick. It seems to be touch and go. We do know her health is declining in some areas, though the specifics of it all are still a little unclear. Along with her lung issues because of the schleraderma and the pressure, she is experiencing some heart issues as well. The doctors are working to get it under control. It's been scary and surreal to think of what can happen.

The kids are doing well. Lauren is missing her four front teeth at the moment and it's quite amusing. It's also quite sobering to think that my baby is growing so much. She continues to excel in school. She is convinced that the rash (poison ivy perhaps) on her nose is a zit and she is 'in puberty'. She always has something smart to say and often has us stiffling a laugh to correct her cockyness.

Jacob is doing well. He still struggles with anger issues. It's really hard to see him struggle and I often feel at a loss as to how to help him. We work on it and some days is seems to sink in while others, I feel like I am talking to the wall. He loves to read and can often be found with his nose in a book. Nothing is too thick for him and he can read and comprehend most everything he picks up.

Matthew continues to read at a 10th grade level (he is currently in 5th grade), though he much prefers to pick up a magazine or a complilation of short stories than to read a chapter book. He is doing really well in Cub Scouts. I am proud to see him and Mike working on his achievements. It's really been a great thing for both boys and Mike. Matthew is also taking guitar lessons and really enjoys playing.

Mike is about to have his first class of soldiers graduate basic training under his guidance. It's a proud moment for him and all involved. He will have most of the month of April off. We have already compiled the to-do list.

Mike and I celebrated our 10th anniversary on the 18th. We went out to dinner at a great place in Springfield. We have agreed that we need to go out more often. We had a great time. It's sometimes hard to believe it's been ten years. I think we are in a great place in our lives as well as our relationship.

I've got many more thoughts and such floating through my head. I'll try to get them down here. I don't update here as often as I would like, but I do hope whoever reads this (anyone?!) will continue to check in on us.

Oh yeah!

11 year olds are so cool, here is mine.

I'm an Aunt again!!!

My baby sister called me yesterday to ask about some strange pains she was having as well as a weird discharge. I told her that I thought maybe it was an infection and that she should see a doctor.

My Mom called today to say that my sister had gone to the doctor... and is pregnant. Once she went to the OB, they heard the heartbeat, then went on for an ultrasound. She was told she was 36 weeks, 2 days pregnant... and in labor! She proceeded to the hospital where a c-section was peformed. My newest nephew was born, weighing 7 lbs 13 oz. He has yet to be named, though Mike feels Speedy Gonzales is appropriate!! :)

Here is a picture of my Mom, holding her newest grandchild. Congratulations Tootie!!

The Best Christmas Gift

We had a great Christmas. Mike was home!! The kids got most of the things on their lists. I got a nice jewelry armoire and a Wii!! We have all had so much fun playing the Wii. The kids and all the adults here love playing it. It will give you a great work out. hehe..

But I have to say, above all the gifts we received, the best was that my Mom came up on Christmas Day with one of my brothers and his family. And being able to spend that time with my Mom was all I could have ever hoped for.

My brother surprised me a few weeks ago when he called and asked if we had plans for Christmas as he and his wife and girls wanted to come visit. Originally, they were going to come on the 26th and leave the 28th. Mom got invited (YAY) and they decided to drive up on the 25th. It all worked out perfectly as we enjoyed a quiet Christmas morning with Mike, me and the kids. Then I spend most of the cooking and getting ready for their arrival. We had a great visit.

I am taking the tree down today. I need to get the house to a managable state before my surgery next Thursday. I should only be down for a couple of weeks, but it will a while before I can do any heavy stuff.

I hope everyone had a great holiday. I'm looking forward to what the New Year will bring.

Hope you all have a ....

Merry Christmas!!

Approved...

For my breast reduction!!

Surgery is set for Jan 3 at 11am...

Re-adjusting Expectations

I think we have expectations from the day we are born. As an infant, we expect that our parents will provide us with nourishment, comfort and love. As we grow, we expect them to also provide us with structure and safety. As teens, we expect that our friends will always be a part of our lives. We expect that our parents will not let us fail, or better yet, will not fail us. When we get married, we expect that our lives will be more complete. We don’t realize that a big part of the happiness we crave is the realism in our expectations.

Someone with low expectations will be surprised and uplifted when good things happen to them. Someone with high expectations may be upset when great things don’t happen. I think a big part of our experience in life is our expectations.

Growing up, I always knew I wanted children. When I had my miscarriage, I never really dwelled on the though if not having kids. I knew that it was something I wanted and I would find a way for that to happen. Luckily, my body agreed with me, and I have three healthy children. I have truly been blessed. Everything I thought of my kids’ lives, it was always in the infant, toddler or elementary school ages. Now that my kids are approaching their teens, I have to reassess my expectations. They are no longer the little kids I have centered myself on. I need to take their personalities into consideration and prepare for what’s ahead. While their lives have been great up to this point, it has been nothing like my expectations. I love the life that we are able to provide for our children.

We also have expectations when we get married. In the beginning of new relationships, we see the happily ever after. What we miss in that sight is the hard work it takes to get there. I have found that for me, communication is a major component of a successful relationship. That is to include marriage, children and friendships. When we fail to share our expectations with others, we are often left disappointed in the outcome of situations.

I often find myself frustrated with the people around me. I don’t know why I expect people to know what I want. I need to be a better communicator. It isn’t fair for me to get upset with my loved ones if I never set forth my expectations and given them an opportunity to do what I was requesting of them. This has especially been hard for me since Mike’s return. In some ways, life was pretty easy when he was gone. I knew that all the things it takes to run our family were my responsibility. If the trash didn’t make it to the road on Tuesday morning, it was my fault. If the sink was leaky and I didn’t call someone to come fix it, there was no one else I could blame. Now that he is home, I have someone with whom to share the burden of responsibility. Unless I share those responsibilities, they are still mine. The thing is I don’t know how to communicate what I need.

I hate to ask for help; mainly because I don’t want to be disappointed when something doesn’t go my way. If I do it myself and the results aren’t what I expected, I can’t be upset with anyone but myself. I don’t think I have ever learned to lean on anyone else. I wish that I could learn to let go, to not expect so much, and to communicate my expectations when I do want things to go my way.

The reality of our situation right now is that Yes, Mike is home. Yes, Mike is able to do more around the house and lift some of that burden off of me. But when it comes down to it, I am the one who is there the majority of time. I am the one who sees and knows what needs to be done. And I am the one who either needs to take care of things, ask for help, or live with things they way they are. I guess I need to take a good, long, hard look at my expectations and adjust them accordingly.

Taking a Little Off

I've been thinking about getting my hair cut for while now. I didn't want to go drastic. It was to the point that I was laying on it, Mike was laying on it, I was pulling it when I sat down. It was just too much. I went in for a cut today and told the lady I wanted it to be between my shoulders and bra strap. I did straighten it this morning, so I can't say she should have known that my curls would make the cut shorter. I have to say that although it's shorter than I originally wanted, I love it!! :)

Lost in the Action

SO much has happened since I last wrote. I don’t even know where to begin.

I got back from Hawaii and hit the ground running. Mom and Tootie were here with the kids and wanted to spend Saturday in Branson. I was exhausted from traveling, but knew that I only had one day with them before they headed back to Louisiana. We got up Saturday morning and went to post. Shawn, the guy my sister works for, wanted to see the base since he had never been to an Army installation. We took him to the outdoor weapons museum where he got to see all types of tanks and military vehicles. Once we were done there, we headed out the Springfield. We had lunch at Olive Garden before heading to the Bodies Exhibition. The kids were thoroughly enthralled by the experience. I was somewhat afraid that it would be too much for them to handle, but all three of these did great. Matthew was fascinated and even commented that he thought it would be cool if his entire class got to go as a field trip. After the Exhibition, we did a little shopping at the outlets. My kids really like Sketchers shoes and we managed to spend a nice chunk of money in their store. I also hit the Gap and The Disney Store. Our final stop for the night was The Shogun for more food. This is a Japanese restaurant where the food is prepared at your table. The kids love the show they get, I love the food! J We headed home after dinner, arriving here after 10. Sunday morning my family headed back home. The kids and I were left to get things together for the week ahead. I had been out of town for a week and had a lot to catch up on.

Upon my return from Hawaii, we had three weeks until Mike’s return. The kids were beside themselves with excitement. It had been 10 months since they had sent their Dad.

I think the thing that has floored me the most has been the realization of all the things I’ve done in Mike’s absence. All the things I had to do to get by. I think I went into a survival mode. I got a lot accomplished in the 20 months he was deployed. In the house alone, I pulled the carpet from the boys rooms and had hardwood installed, I helped with a remodel on the boys bathroom, I pulled carpet from the family room to ready it for new carpet then converted said room into a master bedroom for us. I replaced our bed, upgrading from a queen to a California king, because honestly, a man should be able to sleep in his bed without his feet hanging off! I had the windshield on the truck replaced as well as ordered new wheels and tires for the truck (which ended up being a nightmare that spanned 3 months). I finished my Bachelors degree. I also held a full time job while still being a sole parent to our children.

People would ask me how I did it all, and honestly, I just thought they were being nice. I don’t feel that I did anything above and beyond what my fellow Army spouse friends do. We do what we have to do to get through. We hold down the fort and we get through the day. We long for the next time we can log in and see our loved one. The next time the phone rings and it might be him on the other line. Those are the moments I lived for.

With his return, I expected him to have some issues re-incorporating to our schedule. His re-entry has been flawless. He has picked up the ball when I’ve needed him to. The kids have not missed a beat in being with him. It’s been nearly seamless. I have had the issues. I have had moments where I’ve laid on the bed and just balled. Maybe it’s relief. Relief that I’m not alone and I don’t have to be. Relief that he is home, he is really truly home. There was honestly a time where I doubted if we would see him again. It was a very real possibility that we could lose him at any time while he was over there. The fact that he is home and whole is amazing to me.

Upon reflection, I think the thing that I’ve had the hardest time coming to terms with is that I don’t have to do it all. I don’t have to be superwoman. I don’t have to carry it all. He is here for me to share the burden. I’ve gone through a lot of personal change while Mike was gone. I’ve done a lot of work in my head. It’s all things that I knew I needed to work out, but was afraid. I think that the fact that I had to time to go through the emotions in my head and experience what they meant without having to explain what I was going through to a partner I saw daily made a big difference. I did share those thoughts and experienced with Mike, but it was at my pace. I do think I could have done the same thing with him here. But having that time to work through it alone really helped the process.

There is so much more I want to say. There is so much more bouncing around in my head. It will have to wait until another day as I’m tired and this post is already too long. I just wanted to get something up. Hopefully, this will motivate me to post more…

"All Polynesians are Bi-sexual"

So, Mike and I are in Hawaii. The past few days have been total bliss! Our only goal was to spend time together and to reconnect. I have to say that goal has been accomplished. We have lazed around, gone shopping, gone out with friends, out to dinner, walked on the beach, watched the sunset, and even gone to Pearl Harbor to tour the USS Arizona Memorial and the USS Missouri. I would like to get out there are take more pictures of the flowers, people and beach.

Tomorrow, Mike has to 'work'. He has to go in and get some paperwork and such done. Hopefully he will find out the date that he gets to leave here and come home. I leave here on Thursday and it will be so strange to be the one getting on the plane and leaving him behind.

I have to say I miss the kids, but it has been so nice to spend time with just Mike. It is something we have never had the opportunity to do. We have been asked countless times over the last few days if we are newlyweds. I guess our love for each other really shows! :)

Last night we met a couple of Mike's friends at a bar for a while. As we sat and ate and drank, we watched this older man take 'tourists' and their camera to the side of the railing, near were we were sitting on the second floor. He would take their picture, move them to another position for another picture and take them for 'one more shot'. We watched him do this a number of times. He actually said to one group 'it's ok, all polynesians are bi-sexual'. It was all we could do not to laugh with him standing next to us. I knew it had to be the title of my next blog!!

I am going

To Hawaii

On Thursday!!!!

And I will be in his arms on Friday!!!! YAY!!!!!!!