this time
next week
i will be
in his arms
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Long Road Home
Mike has been away for eight and a half months. He came home for a couple of weeks at the end of May/early June. We still have eight and a half months, at least, until he is back home with us.
Last Friday, the 13th, marked another tragedy for our troops. Mike's platoon lost a soldier to an IED. I can not begin to describe to you the emotions this has stirred. What I felt when I posted a few weeks ago about losing a soldier doesn't even come close to how I felt when we lost 'one of ours'.
When all the talk of Mike going to Iraq came about, I wrote about how I felt, and how we came to the decision for Mike to go to Iraq. He really felt a pull to go with this group of soldiers. As much as I hate the idea of him being there, I feel pride for him doing what he feels he needs to do. I have never met any of the soldiers in Mike's platoon. But I know that each one of them mean something to him.
I wish there was way for me to know these soldiers. Because they mean so much to my husband. Because they are family now. Because you can't go through what they are experiencing without some form of attachment. I wish I knew these soldiers becaue they are brave and young and scared and heroes.
I know that we have a long road left ahead of us. Mike will be home in early December for a couple of weeks. Then he goes back to Iraq. From there, we don't yet know where he will go. That past eight and a half months has passed fairly quick. Sometimes I think back on something that has happened and remember that Mike wasn't home for it. I think the next eight and a half months will be harder. Partly because they haven't passes yet, but partly because I am more accutely aware of what I stand to lose. The only thing that will relieve the fears is having Mike home in my arms.
I know this experience will change him. I'm sure it has already changed me. I know that I've grown as a person since he has been gone. I've made some realizations about myself. Our relationship has also grown. I've seen alot more of Mike, or made some realizations, that will definately come into play once we are together again. And I believe these are all positive things.
I can't wait for him to be here. To be a part of our day to day lives again. The kids have done well with the deloyment so far. Much better than I imagined. I feel it's time to have Mike back home though. Because even though we get through our days, we definately feel his absense. And it's hard to share things with such a distance between us. Until this is over, I'll keep looking ahead, counting the months and waiting for him return home.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Soccer Time
The kids are playing soccer. We live at the soccer field now. You can just forward our mail there. Should be easy since someone stole our mailbox.
Here are the kids soccer pictures! :)
Matthew
Jacob
Lauren
They are really enjoying the game. Lauren's favorite part is chasing the boys.. man are we in trouble! LOL
Here are the kids soccer pictures! :)
Matthew
Jacob
Lauren
They are really enjoying the game. Lauren's favorite part is chasing the boys.. man are we in trouble! LOL
Friday, October 06, 2006
Not Sure What to Say
Mike’s unit has lost a soldier. Sniper.
The feelings are overwhelming. I was ok at first. It hit me on the way to school. I can’t imagine and yet I do. And I am trying to process the emotions. But it’s difficult. So many different aspects to examine.
He was a single man. Young, but a man. He is survived by his Mother. Mother. This woman has to bury her son. I can not imagine having to lay my child to rest. I think of why Mike is there and I think that perhaps this young man was there for the same reason. For his country. His honor. His duty. In his Mother’s grief, I hope she can see these things in her son’s death as well. I pray for peace for her, the family.
He was a soldier. They all went there knowing the risks. Some went by choice, some only because they were ordered to do so. All of them are doing their best they know how with what they have. It can’t be easy to be there. And to watch a fellow comrade go down has got to be difficult. It is staring your mortality down. It is knowing that it could have been you.
As a wife of a soldier who is in the same place, I am fearful. This just drive home the danger my husband is in. I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t afraid. I am terrified. My biggest fear is losing him. Because in his absence I have come to realize how much he means to me. It’s easy to lose sight of those things in the everyday drone of life. Some people say that ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’. I say distance makes you realize why you love someone without all those little annoying things getting in the way. We have always had a good marriage. A great marriage. And I feel that we are stronger today than ever.
I know this is going to take some time to process. I know how hard this is for me. I can’t imagine what our troops are feeling. I hope they know that their sacrifices are not in vain. It takes a strong person to go out there and do what our soldiers are doing. It also takes a strong person to stand back and support that. I hope that the Mother of that fallen soldier realizes how strong she is for backing her son, no matter what.
The feelings are overwhelming. I was ok at first. It hit me on the way to school. I can’t imagine and yet I do. And I am trying to process the emotions. But it’s difficult. So many different aspects to examine.
He was a single man. Young, but a man. He is survived by his Mother. Mother. This woman has to bury her son. I can not imagine having to lay my child to rest. I think of why Mike is there and I think that perhaps this young man was there for the same reason. For his country. His honor. His duty. In his Mother’s grief, I hope she can see these things in her son’s death as well. I pray for peace for her, the family.
He was a soldier. They all went there knowing the risks. Some went by choice, some only because they were ordered to do so. All of them are doing their best they know how with what they have. It can’t be easy to be there. And to watch a fellow comrade go down has got to be difficult. It is staring your mortality down. It is knowing that it could have been you.
As a wife of a soldier who is in the same place, I am fearful. This just drive home the danger my husband is in. I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t afraid. I am terrified. My biggest fear is losing him. Because in his absence I have come to realize how much he means to me. It’s easy to lose sight of those things in the everyday drone of life. Some people say that ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’. I say distance makes you realize why you love someone without all those little annoying things getting in the way. We have always had a good marriage. A great marriage. And I feel that we are stronger today than ever.
I know this is going to take some time to process. I know how hard this is for me. I can’t imagine what our troops are feeling. I hope they know that their sacrifices are not in vain. It takes a strong person to go out there and do what our soldiers are doing. It also takes a strong person to stand back and support that. I hope that the Mother of that fallen soldier realizes how strong she is for backing her son, no matter what.
Monday, September 25, 2006
It hurts
When I can’t do it all.
When I want someone to comfort me, but I have to comfort everyone else instead.
When all I want is quiet and the world just keep moving around me.
When all I want is my husband home.
When my children ask for their Dad, and there is nothing I can do for them.
When I’m alone.
When I can’t ask for help, because I don’t know how.
When I feel like running.
When I cry this hard.
When I want someone to comfort me, but I have to comfort everyone else instead.
When all I want is quiet and the world just keep moving around me.
When all I want is my husband home.
When my children ask for their Dad, and there is nothing I can do for them.
When I’m alone.
When I can’t ask for help, because I don’t know how.
When I feel like running.
When I cry this hard.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Just Want to QUIT!
I can not believe I am even thinking about wanting my Masters degree. I am a full time student now, online courses. I will finish my BA in Psych in May of 2007. I am getting ready to enroll in Statistics next session. Someone SHOOT ME NOW! I am sooo tired of the school thing. It's exhausting. I just need to vent..
... now I am off to finish my paper that was due Sunday... Joy.
... now I am off to finish my paper that was due Sunday... Joy.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Touched By an Angel
I got a new JOB! A paying job, which has me at the school full time. This is why my blog has been so neglected. It was either the blog or the kids, and well, they mean a little more to me! I spent last week in St Louis being trained for this job. Actually, it’s a job that I’ve been training for all my life without knowing. Last week in St Louis was only learning how to fill out the paperwork.
During one of the small group sessions I was sitting across from a woman wearing a gold chain with a pendant of a yellow ribbon hanging from it. I asked where she got it from. She said that it was given to her when her husband was in Iraq last year. He returned home last December, but she was going to wear that pendant until all of our troops returned home. I told her that Mike was in Iraq, forming a bond between her and me. After a lunch break, she approached me, and handed me the pendant from her chain. I told her, choking back tears, that I couldn’t take it. I did take it. I am proudly wearing it around my neck. Until my husband returns. At that point, I will pass it on to someone else just starting on this journey.
A couple of post ago, I wrote about Dad Gone Mad and Project Lovebomb, a site he started about one of our troops. I have been exchanging email with the wife of that soldier. I received one this morning about some of her feelings. It really hit home for me. She mentioned in an email that she published some of her feelings on her personal blog, but was hesitant to put it up there on the Project Lovebomb site. This was my reply:
“It is very scary stuff. I think by you, and us really, acknowledging that, it is
helpful for people to see what we are feeling. To know that what we are
going through is so real. I think this opportunity through DGM and PL has
come about for a reason, and I don't think we know the real reason yet.
What our husbands are out there doing is a very real, very dangerous thing.
I don't believe that we should keep it to ourselves so as not to offend
others. It's our lives, our emotions. We have the right to express them. I
truly think it will help others who may not be able to find the words to
express it themselves.
When someone finds out where my husband is, they start to feel sorry for us.
I don't want sympathy. I want understanding. We were and are well aware of
the risk of him being deployed. We knew when we had kids that part of that
would be spent with Daddy away, because it's the military life. I know alot
of people don't understand what it's like to not know when your loved one is
coming home. But I also wish they would realize it doesn't help to point
out how difficult it must be or 'oh wow, how do you do it?". We just do,
because we have to, ya know.”
I think that by living in a military community, more people around me understand what I am feeling and going through. But for people who aren’t around the military, it is really hard for them to understand what we are experiencing. I got my first real scare last night. I was sitting here reviewing some homework and I saw a white van pull into my driveway. I didn’t recognize it at first and got a huge lump in my throat as I walked toward the door to see who it was, not wanting my children to answer the door should it be men in uniform there to talk to me about their Daddy. It was a friend dropping something off, in her new minivan. But the fear I felt as she drove down my driveway is something I won’t soon forget.
During one of the small group sessions I was sitting across from a woman wearing a gold chain with a pendant of a yellow ribbon hanging from it. I asked where she got it from. She said that it was given to her when her husband was in Iraq last year. He returned home last December, but she was going to wear that pendant until all of our troops returned home. I told her that Mike was in Iraq, forming a bond between her and me. After a lunch break, she approached me, and handed me the pendant from her chain. I told her, choking back tears, that I couldn’t take it. I did take it. I am proudly wearing it around my neck. Until my husband returns. At that point, I will pass it on to someone else just starting on this journey.
A couple of post ago, I wrote about Dad Gone Mad and Project Lovebomb, a site he started about one of our troops. I have been exchanging email with the wife of that soldier. I received one this morning about some of her feelings. It really hit home for me. She mentioned in an email that she published some of her feelings on her personal blog, but was hesitant to put it up there on the Project Lovebomb site. This was my reply:
“It is very scary stuff. I think by you, and us really, acknowledging that, it is
helpful for people to see what we are feeling. To know that what we are
going through is so real. I think this opportunity through DGM and PL has
come about for a reason, and I don't think we know the real reason yet.
What our husbands are out there doing is a very real, very dangerous thing.
I don't believe that we should keep it to ourselves so as not to offend
others. It's our lives, our emotions. We have the right to express them. I
truly think it will help others who may not be able to find the words to
express it themselves.
When someone finds out where my husband is, they start to feel sorry for us.
I don't want sympathy. I want understanding. We were and are well aware of
the risk of him being deployed. We knew when we had kids that part of that
would be spent with Daddy away, because it's the military life. I know alot
of people don't understand what it's like to not know when your loved one is
coming home. But I also wish they would realize it doesn't help to point
out how difficult it must be or 'oh wow, how do you do it?". We just do,
because we have to, ya know.”
I think that by living in a military community, more people around me understand what I am feeling and going through. But for people who aren’t around the military, it is really hard for them to understand what we are experiencing. I got my first real scare last night. I was sitting here reviewing some homework and I saw a white van pull into my driveway. I didn’t recognize it at first and got a huge lump in my throat as I walked toward the door to see who it was, not wanting my children to answer the door should it be men in uniform there to talk to me about their Daddy. It was a friend dropping something off, in her new minivan. But the fear I felt as she drove down my driveway is something I won’t soon forget.
Monday, September 04, 2006
He's Still Older
So last week Mike and I both celebrated out birthdays. He turned 31 on Wednesday. And for two whole days, I could rag on him, through email anyway, about his age. Then, on Friday, I joined him in the ranks of the thirty-somethings. He celebrated his birthday surrounded by sand and soldiers. I celebrated mine surrounded by 9 of my friends (and quite frankly, I can't tell you how many kids were running around in the yard. Just know that they outnumbered the adults!)
My girlfriends and I have started a 'window's club'. No, we aren't widows, but with our husbands deployed, it sure feels like it sometimes. We typically meet here at my house on Friday nights. We do a pot luck type dinner and the kids get to run around and wear themselves and each other out. My best friend Amy took it upon herself to invite all of our friends to join in on Friday night to celebrate my birthday. Of course not everyone could attend. I can't tell you how lucky I feel to be able to say that not all of my friends were in attendance, but NINE were. It just reasures me that staying here while Mike is deployed is the best move we could have made.
As far as birthday gifts I got a couple of new outfits for that job I may be startig on Wednesday. I also got some cash, some DQ certificates and batteries. I have to say... the batteries were probably the best thing I opened... after all, it was a widow's club meeting.
My girlfriends and I have started a 'window's club'. No, we aren't widows, but with our husbands deployed, it sure feels like it sometimes. We typically meet here at my house on Friday nights. We do a pot luck type dinner and the kids get to run around and wear themselves and each other out. My best friend Amy took it upon herself to invite all of our friends to join in on Friday night to celebrate my birthday. Of course not everyone could attend. I can't tell you how lucky I feel to be able to say that not all of my friends were in attendance, but NINE were. It just reasures me that staying here while Mike is deployed is the best move we could have made.
As far as birthday gifts I got a couple of new outfits for that job I may be startig on Wednesday. I also got some cash, some DQ certificates and batteries. I have to say... the batteries were probably the best thing I opened... after all, it was a widow's club meeting.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Dad Gone Mad
WOW.
If you have never read the blog Dad Gone Mad, where have you been?! Go on over and read what they have going on... it's amazing the love and support people show for our troops.
My online friends from my parenting websites and email list have already adopted about half of Mike's platoon. I know how much these soldier appreciate all that my friends have done for them. You wouldn't believe the difference a note or package from a stranger showing support means to them. Most of the soldiers are young, early twenties. They have never been away from home. They are supporting our way of life. I feel the least we can do it to honor then, care for them, and show them that we are behind them.
If you have never read the blog Dad Gone Mad, where have you been?! Go on over and read what they have going on... it's amazing the love and support people show for our troops.
My online friends from my parenting websites and email list have already adopted about half of Mike's platoon. I know how much these soldier appreciate all that my friends have done for them. You wouldn't believe the difference a note or package from a stranger showing support means to them. Most of the soldiers are young, early twenties. They have never been away from home. They are supporting our way of life. I feel the least we can do it to honor then, care for them, and show them that we are behind them.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
An Answer...
Jacob went back to the doctor on Tuesday. And Thursday. We found out that the infection is his finger is MRSA.. go ahead, google it... yeah, penicillin resistant staph. Nice. And contageous to boot. Joy.
It is drying up and doing much better. And he is taking his medicine like a trooper. We go back to the doctor again on Monday for a final check. All I can say is thank goodness we don't have a copay!!
It is drying up and doing much better. And he is taking his medicine like a trooper. We go back to the doctor again on Monday for a final check. All I can say is thank goodness we don't have a copay!!
Monday, August 21, 2006
More ER Frequent Flyer Miles...
So, this is what I typed about yesterday :
Jacob has been complaining all day of his finger hurting.. and under his arm. I thought maybe he pulled something under his arm yesterday at a birthday party. I couldn't see anything on his finger, so I blew that off too. Tonight, as I was getting dinner ready, he showed me his finger again. It kinda looked like a wart. My friend Amy was over, so I had her look at it as well. When she touched it, the thing popped.. weird. I put peroxide on it and we left it alone. While we were sitting down eating, Amy and I noticed at the same time that it was starting to streak! I look at Amy, she looked at me and off Jacob and I went to the ER. (She stayed here with Matthew and Lauren).
They diagnosed it as herpetis whitlow. Basically, it's a cold sore on his finger. BUT, the infection has traveled into the lymph node under his arm as well. They gave us antibiotics and we have to go back in the morning to see his PMC.
We got home and I got him to bed. I sat and took a test for my online class. Next thing I know.. he is puking! UGH... The meds didn't come back up, so that's good. He does have a fever, 101.6. I called the ER back. They said to make sure he eats when he takes the meds in the am and to give him motrin or tylenol for the fever. He is sleeping now. Man, I hope he has a good night...
He puked again around 4:30 this morning. So, uh, not a good night. I got him an appointment this morning to see his regular doctor. She said the ER docs were wrong. It's an infection of some sort. They drained it and are going to run cultures on it. To make things more interesting, he is allergic to the antibiotic they gave him (augmentin) so they switched that too. He has to go back to the doctor in the morning to see how it's doing.
He is sleeping now. I should be. I pray he is doing better in the morning. I feel so helpless. I broke down in the doctors office today. The nurse was triaging him and asked what was wrong. I just lost it. Damn it.
Jacob has been complaining all day of his finger hurting.. and under his arm. I thought maybe he pulled something under his arm yesterday at a birthday party. I couldn't see anything on his finger, so I blew that off too. Tonight, as I was getting dinner ready, he showed me his finger again. It kinda looked like a wart. My friend Amy was over, so I had her look at it as well. When she touched it, the thing popped.. weird. I put peroxide on it and we left it alone. While we were sitting down eating, Amy and I noticed at the same time that it was starting to streak! I look at Amy, she looked at me and off Jacob and I went to the ER. (She stayed here with Matthew and Lauren).
They diagnosed it as herpetis whitlow. Basically, it's a cold sore on his finger. BUT, the infection has traveled into the lymph node under his arm as well. They gave us antibiotics and we have to go back in the morning to see his PMC.
We got home and I got him to bed. I sat and took a test for my online class. Next thing I know.. he is puking! UGH... The meds didn't come back up, so that's good. He does have a fever, 101.6. I called the ER back. They said to make sure he eats when he takes the meds in the am and to give him motrin or tylenol for the fever. He is sleeping now. Man, I hope he has a good night...
He puked again around 4:30 this morning. So, uh, not a good night. I got him an appointment this morning to see his regular doctor. She said the ER docs were wrong. It's an infection of some sort. They drained it and are going to run cultures on it. To make things more interesting, he is allergic to the antibiotic they gave him (augmentin) so they switched that too. He has to go back to the doctor in the morning to see how it's doing.
He is sleeping now. I should be. I pray he is doing better in the morning. I feel so helpless. I broke down in the doctors office today. The nurse was triaging him and asked what was wrong. I just lost it. Damn it.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Back To School...
The kids went back to school yesterday!
My baby started Kindergarten, and I didn't even cry. And I almost feel guilty about it. Almost. The boys are in 2nd and 4th grade this year. I will complete my Bachelor's degree around the same time they finish this school year. YAY!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
The Floor..It is
FINISHED! Whew!
I can still feel a little bit of the grain of the wood.So I polyed a small section in the corner to see if a 4th coat would make a difference. It didn't. So, it stays as is. We get to put the furniture back in tomorrow! I can't wait. I'm even anxious to CLEAN! HA!
Oh, and the color is a little lighter than the rest of the house. It could be because the rest of the floors have darkened with age. I happen to like the color differnce. :)
I tried to upload pics, but it isn't working right now... go figure!
I can still feel a little bit of the grain of the wood.So I polyed a small section in the corner to see if a 4th coat would make a difference. It didn't. So, it stays as is. We get to put the furniture back in tomorrow! I can't wait. I'm even anxious to CLEAN! HA!
Oh, and the color is a little lighter than the rest of the house. It could be because the rest of the floors have darkened with age. I happen to like the color differnce. :)
I tried to upload pics, but it isn't working right now... go figure!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
The Floor Saga...
still is NOT done!
This picture was taken this morning..You can see the room on the left is sanded. The room on the right has one coat of poly on it. And the floor to the bottom of the picture is the hallway. That is what the floors should look like when it's all over. No more poly has been put down since these pictures were taken.
An attempt was made at putting up a new ceiling fan, but the fan is defective. Damn.
Will this ever end?!
This picture was taken this morning..You can see the room on the left is sanded. The room on the right has one coat of poly on it. And the floor to the bottom of the picture is the hallway. That is what the floors should look like when it's all over. No more poly has been put down since these pictures were taken.
An attempt was made at putting up a new ceiling fan, but the fan is defective. Damn.
Will this ever end?!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Floors... Day 2 of Sanding
This is going to take FOR-EVER! UGH
So, he came here around eleven or so yesterday. Taped plastic in the first room (to cut down on sawdust on the walls) and did the first sanding of that floor. He left around 8:30 last night. He is back now and has taped the second room. Sanding is going strong...
I pray this is done today, but being realistic, it will likely continue tomorrow...
So, he came here around eleven or so yesterday. Taped plastic in the first room (to cut down on sawdust on the walls) and did the first sanding of that floor. He left around 8:30 last night. He is back now and has taped the second room. Sanding is going strong...
I pray this is done today, but being realistic, it will likely continue tomorrow...
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Wood Floors.. Part 2
I am waiting for my contractor to come sand the wood floors in the boys rooms. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. Also, I'm just ready for it to be OVER! He will sand today and poly tomorrow. We have to wait 72 hours from the last coat until we can put their furniture back into their rooms. That means I can't put their rooms back together until SUNDAY!! UGH...
The kids start school next Thursday! I want their rooms done and normalcy returned to our home. I can't wait until we are back into our routine.
The kids start school next Thursday! I want their rooms done and normalcy returned to our home. I can't wait until we are back into our routine.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
And We're Back!
We got home from our vacation on Tuesday. It's been nonstop since.
We had a great time. The boys got mohawks in Florida!! :)
I'll need to go back and read the kids journals to see what all we did. I can't remember everything. We did have a good time, but the kids were ready to get back home.
I am in the middle of composing a post in my head. I need to get it typed out... I'll post it soon.
We had a great time. The boys got mohawks in Florida!! :)
I'll need to go back and read the kids journals to see what all we did. I can't remember everything. We did have a good time, but the kids were ready to get back home.
I am in the middle of composing a post in my head. I need to get it typed out... I'll post it soon.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
In Florida
We arrived here in Florida on Wednesday. It's Thursday, about midnight here, so technially Friday morning. Everything is going well. The kids are great! I got to chat with Mike tonight for a long time. It's so great to be able to communicate with him! I miss him so much, but this makes things so much better.
We plan to visit the flea market tomorrow. Downtown Disney on Saturday. We will also go bowling and maybe to the beach as well while we are here. We head back to Louisiana on Tuesday. The time seems to be moving so fast...
Just wanted to update. Need to get some sleep. I'll post more later. Here is a picture of the kids right after we crossed over from Louisiana into Mississippi the other day!
We plan to visit the flea market tomorrow. Downtown Disney on Saturday. We will also go bowling and maybe to the beach as well while we are here. We head back to Louisiana on Tuesday. The time seems to be moving so fast...
Just wanted to update. Need to get some sleep. I'll post more later. Here is a picture of the kids right after we crossed over from Louisiana into Mississippi the other day!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
It All Began During my Second Pregnancy
I was getting out of the shower this morning and Lauren came into the bathroom. We had the following conversation:
Her: I can see you naked because we are both girls.
Me: Well, I have the same part as you do.
Her: Yours are bigger!
Me: Only because my body is bigger, and well, I've had a few kids.
Her: Yeah, well, when you were pregnant with Jacob in your belly, he kicked my Egg!
All I could do was laugh!
Her: I can see you naked because we are both girls.
Me: Well, I have the same part as you do.
Her: Yours are bigger!
Me: Only because my body is bigger, and well, I've had a few kids.
Her: Yeah, well, when you were pregnant with Jacob in your belly, he kicked my Egg!
All I could do was laugh!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
On 'Vacation', Part 1
So, things are CRAZY! I am on ‘vacation’. We arrived here in Louisiana last Monday. We have been here for a week now. I have been to Target (TWICE!), Wal-Mart (more times than I can count), eaten at Olive Garden and finished a term paper, a midterm and an essay. OH, I’ve also attended TWO baby showers! And today I have a shrimp po-boy, crab stew and boiled crabs! YUM! Things are going fairly well. There hasn’t been much drama or conflict with my sisters yet. I’ve received two emails from Mike as well as two phone calls. The kids are having a great time. They are loving the fact that COUSINS live just around the corner! They slept at my sister’s house last night. All three kids!! It was, um, weird! to not have them here with me. But nice because I was able to finish my mid-term in relative peace.
Of course, this wouldn’t be ‘home’ without drama. The drama is between my Mom’s family. My Grandmother is sick. She has four children. Oldest Uncle Son, Oldest Daughter, My Mom, and Youngest Son. Youngest Son has everything handed to him by Maw Maw (my grandmother). He works, makes good money, and does drugs. He has NOTHING to show for his life. She pays his truck note, insurance and provides a place for him to live and food to eat. He does nothing for her. Oldest Son lives next door. His wife runs over to help Maw Maw numerous times a day. They give her all her insulin shots as well. Oldest Daughter doesn’t come around. Hasn’t in about 2 months. My Mom lives around the corner from Maw Maw. Since I have been home I have witnessed everyone talk about the issues with Youngest Son. I have listened as stories get passed back and forth. This one says one thing and the other reports it to someone else. It’s like that game in school where you whisper something to the person next to you and by the time it reaches the last person, the story has changed so much it hardly recognizable. It amazes me that no one will tell Maw Maw all the drama going on behind the scenes. It also amazed me that Maw Maw is so blind she can’t see how her son is draining everything she has right from under her.
I don’t handle conflict very well. It is hard for me to be here witnessing all of this taking place. I want to sit everyone down and make them see what I see. But I know that is not realistic. And I am sure there is more to this than I what I am aware of. It is just so hard to watch the drama unfold. Knowing how much it hurts my Mom.
This trip has been eye opening for me. I’ve come to realize that my family has changed in the thirteen years since I moved away. So many things are still the same. But my family isn’t the same as it was when I left. Or maybe it is and I have just changed so much I am viewing them all through different eyes. I can feel something inside of me changing. The past month has been a time of personal growth for me. It isn’t something I can point out, but I know some changes are happening. I am becoming more aware of a lot of things around me. There is a lot of change happening in my life right now. I feel it’s a time of redirecting my priorities.
With Mike being gone I have been thinking a lot more about where I want my life to go. It’s easy to settle into a routine when we are together and not think too far into the future. With this deployment, I find I am more focused on our long-term goals. I see where I want us to be and I am working on getting us there.
Ok, I have so many more things going through my mind right now. It is hard to capture them all and get them down. I’ll write more later, but wanted to at least start to write about the things going on.
I’ll close with a crappy thing that happened to me on Friday. My Mom, my Sister, her daughter, my other neice, my three kids and I were getting ready to go out to eat breakfast. As I was loading the kids into the truck my sister says “You aren’t going anywhere in that truck”.. I looked down and my tire was FLAT! To the RIM, flat! We used my Mom’s car the rest of the day. The next day I got the tire fixed. Hopefully it holds up for a LONG time!! But man, what a crappy way to start the day!
Of course, this wouldn’t be ‘home’ without drama. The drama is between my Mom’s family. My Grandmother is sick. She has four children. Oldest Uncle Son, Oldest Daughter, My Mom, and Youngest Son. Youngest Son has everything handed to him by Maw Maw (my grandmother). He works, makes good money, and does drugs. He has NOTHING to show for his life. She pays his truck note, insurance and provides a place for him to live and food to eat. He does nothing for her. Oldest Son lives next door. His wife runs over to help Maw Maw numerous times a day. They give her all her insulin shots as well. Oldest Daughter doesn’t come around. Hasn’t in about 2 months. My Mom lives around the corner from Maw Maw. Since I have been home I have witnessed everyone talk about the issues with Youngest Son. I have listened as stories get passed back and forth. This one says one thing and the other reports it to someone else. It’s like that game in school where you whisper something to the person next to you and by the time it reaches the last person, the story has changed so much it hardly recognizable. It amazes me that no one will tell Maw Maw all the drama going on behind the scenes. It also amazed me that Maw Maw is so blind she can’t see how her son is draining everything she has right from under her.
I don’t handle conflict very well. It is hard for me to be here witnessing all of this taking place. I want to sit everyone down and make them see what I see. But I know that is not realistic. And I am sure there is more to this than I what I am aware of. It is just so hard to watch the drama unfold. Knowing how much it hurts my Mom.
This trip has been eye opening for me. I’ve come to realize that my family has changed in the thirteen years since I moved away. So many things are still the same. But my family isn’t the same as it was when I left. Or maybe it is and I have just changed so much I am viewing them all through different eyes. I can feel something inside of me changing. The past month has been a time of personal growth for me. It isn’t something I can point out, but I know some changes are happening. I am becoming more aware of a lot of things around me. There is a lot of change happening in my life right now. I feel it’s a time of redirecting my priorities.
With Mike being gone I have been thinking a lot more about where I want my life to go. It’s easy to settle into a routine when we are together and not think too far into the future. With this deployment, I find I am more focused on our long-term goals. I see where I want us to be and I am working on getting us there.
Ok, I have so many more things going through my mind right now. It is hard to capture them all and get them down. I’ll write more later, but wanted to at least start to write about the things going on.
I’ll close with a crappy thing that happened to me on Friday. My Mom, my Sister, her daughter, my other neice, my three kids and I were getting ready to go out to eat breakfast. As I was loading the kids into the truck my sister says “You aren’t going anywhere in that truck”.. I looked down and my tire was FLAT! To the RIM, flat! We used my Mom’s car the rest of the day. The next day I got the tire fixed. Hopefully it holds up for a LONG time!! But man, what a crappy way to start the day!
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