Today's Highlights...

Updates from the last post..
... I called the atv credit people. I made a payment and have to call them back Friday to see if they will reverse the two $39 late fees.
... I called the boob dr about the bill. Evedently, our insurance paid the bill three days after they mailed it to me.

Other things I did today..
... I called to check the status of the van. Did I tell you it's in the shop?! It should be done by Wednesday. $110 for a new ignition switch, installed.
... I called about the boys atv's. The place we bought from owes us a body. And I cracked the gas cap this weekend and need to order a new one. And Jacob's has a flat (I should be able to plug it).
... I went to the college to see what I need to finish my degree. 13 classes!! I will be done next summer. woohooo.
... I also took a friend's daughter to the dr for her, went to the commisary and the post office.
... The boys had karate tonight. They are done. I think it's just too much for them. Time to move on.

And now, I must sleep. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds!

Busy/Crazy Week...

So I am starting to think that my Wednesdays are cursed. On the 8th Mike left for Korea. On the 15th I just couldn't cheer up and cried all damn day. On the 22nd Lauren spiked a fever of 103.5, Matthew stayed home sick and the van broke. Joy. The van is now in the shop, I'm waiting for the bill...
Yesterday was a pretty good day. Lauren went back to school (first day this week!) and I got some housework done. Today was pretty good. I took the kids to see Hoodwinked, cute movie! I did get a collection bill for the ATV account. The shitty thing is that I've never gotten a bill from them, but I get this! NICE.. and they probably won't talk to me about it because my name isn't on the account. Oh and I got another bill from my breast consult last July. The one Tricare was supposed to pay. The one that was supposed to be a "free consultation". Whatever.
Gotta run. The dog just puked. In Matthew's bed...

And And And

The kids are dong alright. Matthew is really whiny. I don't know what to do for him. He gets so angry when things don't go his way. I need to work with him to find a way for him to cope. Jacob is doing good. He has been so lovey lately. Lauren is doing good too. She says she misses Daddy at least four times a day... Overall, they seem to be handling things well.
I'm doing ok. I'm still pissed about the way this entire thing had been played. And I'm really upset about having to be apart for so long. I try not to think too much about it, but it's hard and it sucks. My heart just aches when I think of all the time we won't be together. And all the things Mike will miss with the kids. And all the times the kids will wish Daddy was home. At night, once the kids are in bed, is the loneliest time for me. I have nothing to distract me as I lie in our bed alone. It's here, now, that I just wish it was all over and done with. I know the time will pass and we will be together again. And part of me wishes I could just fast forward it. But then that would be fast forwarding the kids as well and I'm just not ready for that!
For now, I'll go to sleep. And tomorrow I will get up and go on just like I do everyday. And I'll get excited when I get to see him on the web cam. And my heart will skip a beat when he emails me. I'll smile for everyone and get through my day. Then I'll climb in bed tomorrow night and wish we could be together...

Crappy Day..

I'm in a crappy mood today. I feel like I could cry at any minute. Maybe it's all sinking in? Whatever it is, SUCKS! I feel like the saddest person on earth right now... ugh

Valentine's Day

Yeah, I know it was yesterday. The kids and I went and had our picture taken! :) I was going to send them to Mike as a suprise, but I already showed them to him! hehe
Here are the pictures, in case ya wanna see them too!



I hope everyone had a day filled with LOVE! We did!

Hawaii...

So it doesn't look like we can get out of the Hawaii assignment. And part of me wonders if he really wants to. Not because he doesn't want to be with us, but because of the opportunities at the other side of this thing. Let me explain:
- If he goes to Hawaii, they ARE going to Iraq. And the reason little boys dream of joining the military is to serve their country. How many veterans do you know that say, "Yeah, I was in the military during the war, but I stayed in the states the whole time". I mean, the reason to serve and to train is to use that knowledge. This would give him the opportunity to do just that. To be in that combat situation he has dreamed of since he was a child. To give more meaning to his time in service.
- If he goes to Hawaii, it's a good career move. You can't stay at one place too long, or you stagnate. Your chances for promotion are not as good, and you don't get the leadership opportunities you have elsewhere.

The down side to all this is more time apart.
There are options for us, with a Hawaii move:
1. The kids and I can stay here. Mike would be in Hawaii two years. A year of that would be spent in Iraq. We know that. We would be apart, but the kids would have stability. (Matthew REALLY doesn't want to move.)
2. We could all move to Hawaii. Mike would be assigned there for three years. One of which would be spent in Iraq. If we go, the kids and I would be on the Island without any family for a long time. And I don't even want to think about what a plane ticket to Hawaii cost, let alone 4 tickets. In other words, our ability to see family would be practically non-existent. Not to mention having to sell the house and figure out what to do with all our stuff because we can't take it all with us.

Oh, in option 1, we don't know when he would go to Iraq. It would most likely be 6 months or so after he gets there. So it would be Hawaii - Iraq - Hawaii - Home.

I am afraid that IF we go with him, we would never see him anyway. And we don't want to uproot the kids to be with Daddy when we wouldn't BE with Daddy anyway.

All of this makes me want to scream and cry. I want to throw a huge tantrum at the injustice of it all! But it won't change things. And really, as a soldier, isn't it his mission to serve our country as needed? And as his wife, I support him 100%. So I need to just step back, look at the bigger picture, and just deal with what is at hand. The decisions will come with time. And I know we will be fine with whatever happens. I just don't deal well with so many unknowns.

I got a couple of emails, and he called, last night. Mike is safely in Korea..

I got up this morning, and there was another email from Mike.... this is what he said...

"...I got some shitty news from the brigade sergeant major this morning. The brigade is moving to Hawaii and my battalion is going in or around July. The problem is that they are saying everyone is going, and upon arrival in Hawaii they say unaccompanied will have to be on the ground for 24 months and accompanied will be there for 36. The time spent in Korea is just "bonus" time. I am going to see if I can get more info this week. ..."

and of course it's the weekend. We won't know anything more until next week at least, and I expect not for a while. I can't even think straight right now.. this is crazy!

Gone...

Mike left for Korea yesterday morning.
I did some crying. The kids skipped karate and we just hung out after school. Everyone is reaching out to me and it makes me feel good and it makes me want to cry. I am surrounded by such wonderful people.

Overheard

I was just passing the bathroom, Matthew is in the tub, Mike is getting some of his stuff out of the bathroom...
and I hear Matthew say.... "yeah, it's like a sacrifice, you have to go away for a year so we can stay here"...

*sniff, sniff*

It'll Be Alright...

Sucking on the Updates...

It's been busy here. And Mike leaves in a week. ACK
Not much to say... still in school, Ethics teacher with the "borrowed" syllabis.. nice. Kids are great. Life is good. Here is a picture for good measure...



Sleep-overs are lots of fun.. esp when Mom and Dad let you slide down the hallway on your belly!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...

So I have a couple of five years old and a 4.5 year old here. They are eating lunch, telling secrets and giggling... Man I love little girls.

They are planning their next get together. They are debating whether to have a dance party or a disco party... because it matters! When they are done eating, they will disappear to Lauren's room to dress and cover the carpet in as many toys are they can possible dump out from the closet and bins in her room.

I remember being their age. When having fun and playing were the most important part of my day. My Barbie and Cabbage Patch Doll where my best friends. Now I see my daughter, loving that same Cabbage Patch kid. And playing with her Barbie dolls and Polly Pockets. I love to see her lost in a world where her imagination can take her anywhere... and when she is surrounded by her friends, the possibilities of play are endless...

We are geeks

I got a new laptop!!
Here is the view from my chair...

All Too Real...

There is a pile of clothes, books, golf clubs, shoes, and the rest of Mike's things in the family room right now. It's waiting for the movers to get here tomorrow. He's moving out. It's only "temporary". As temporary as a year in Korea can be. The entire thing is staring me in the face now, and I just want to run and hide. I'm ok most of the time.
I broke down last night on the way home from karate. I got in and just cried in his arms. He leaves in three weeks. Three weeks. The kids are starting to understand how close it's getting. I'm sick that it's as close as it is. I know that once he is gone, it will be easier. This anticipation of saying goodbye is the hardest part. I hope I can keep it together, at least in front of the kids.

Annoyed

I am sooo dang annoyed with one of my instructors this session.
The instructor for our ethics class (online) "borrowed" the sylabus from another instructor. She didn't bother to update it with her own information. The dates that assignments are due haven't been changed from last session either. There were some questions as to what was due, and she didn't give clear answers. Then she emailed the entire class and asked what we thought about her changing the format of what would be due. Quite a few students have emailed her back about this as well as asking for clarification on what we are expected to turn in for this class. She has yet to respond to ANYONE! It's getting really frustrating. Oh, and when she does type anything, be it in email or on the class forum, she types in all caps! HOW ANNOYING!!!
I just hope these next 7 weeks of this class go by pretty quick. I don't know long I can deal with the incompetence of an upper level college instructor. UGH

On the Brink

I feel like I am on the brink of something. I know Mike leaving is a huge thing right now, but that isn't what this is about. Don't get me wrong, I am struggling with that too, but this is different.

This has to do with babies. And no, I'm not pregnant. I am very content with three children. And my kids are at a great age, independence wise. Lauren gave herself a bath last night without prompting. All of my children get themselves dressed every morning and make their own breakfast. It's amazing the little people they are. A few of my friends have told me how good I have it since my kids enjoy doing these things for themselves. And I agree with them. Mostly. I really miss them needing me to do things for them. And I think it's made me too lax in my parenting in other areas. I want my children to know that they are responsible for their actions, behaviors and fulfilling their role in the family. It takes all of us being there for ourselves and each other to make it. I certainly can't imagine doing everything for all of them all the time. There was a time a few years ago when I did. It had to be that way because of their ages. I am slowly turning things over to them.

So I guess what is bothering me is that most of my friends have kids younger than my own. That is great in it's own right, since I get to cuddle and snuggle their babies and give them back and sleep all night. But it makes me long for the days when my kids were that little. You know, the days we wish away when we say "if only he would feed himself", "if only she just go potty and not tell me everytime she needs to go", or "if only my kids would sleep in". Over Christmas break, my kids learned to sleep until about 9:30. It was heavenly. What was better was that when they did get up, they didn't feel the need to come wake us up. They made some cereal or waffles for breakfast, watched tv, drew pictures, and just played with each other. We were free to sleep in and just be lazy. And as much as I loved that freedom, I missed the snuggles in the morning (though Lauren will still occationally join me for a morning snuggle).

I guess we are at a new stage of this parenting/growing thing. Maybe I am just reflecting on their babyhood that seems to be so fleeting. My baby will be FIVE in a couple of months. And while it pains me to see them move on from something so familiar to me, I am encouraged by the prospect of what is to come. It's all a journey, and I feel like we are embarking on a new leg of the trip. I guess I need to pack those memories away for a while, and focus on the road ahead. I'm sure it will have some bumps, but in a few years, when we look back and long for the days when life seemed so different.

It's a New Year

I was asked today what New Year Resolutions I had made. My friend was suprised when I said none. I've tried making them in the past and by Jan 3 I have stopped, because I hate being restricted like that. Exercise more, eat less, eat healthier. Aren't those the big three? Well, yeah, I want to do those things, but for me, right now, they are not the biggest priorities. My focus this year is going to be to get through, as sanely as possible, as a single mother of three while my husband puts in his time in Korea. It's a choice we made together. I've known it was coming, and I chose not to dwell on it until after Christmas.

It's after Christmas. In 38 days my husband will board a flight for Korea. We've done this before. We are in a better place financially than we were then. I am in a much better place mentally than I was back then. But the kids are older. Last time, I moved back to my Mom's with a two year old and a four month old. This time, I am staying in our home with a nine year old, a seven year old and an almost five year old. Not only will I have to deal with my emotions over him being so far away, but also the emotions of our children over why Daddy is working so far away. We know the sacrifice is worth it in the big picture. But how do you make children see that? I know they will come through it just fine. It's just alot to look at right now. The holidays were a good distraction, but now, I have to face it head on, and it sucks. The anticipation and dread are there. And I know we will be fine. I just need to make it through the next month and a half, get us into a routine once he is gone, and things will be fine.

So, if I had to give any resolutions for 2006, it would be to be the there for my kids this year. We already see the obsticles in our path. We just need to make a plan to get through them as best we can.

This and That

We had a good Christmas. The kids were spoiled and got nearly everything on their lists this year. Mike got a tshirt and PS2 game off his list as well as the ATV. And I got my one hour back massage (professional!!) and a wireless keyboard and mouse. I didn't ask for the keyboard and mouse, but MAN it's so nice to not have the dog sleeping on the wires!

I am sooo ready to take the tree down! Usually, I like to wait until the first week of January, but this year, I'm just tired of looking at it.

We are on the countdown until Mike leaves for Korea. He flies out on Feb 8. Too soon. I am hoping for a weekend away, just the two of us, before he leaves. It will interesting to see how the kids take it. They were way to young last time to understand. I think the boys will be fine, it's Lauren who will have the hardest time. The boys will get to email Daddy, and I think that will be pretty cool for them. I'm looking forward to this time next year, because we will be that much closer to him coming back home.

I am on break from school. I don't know how I pulled two As out of last semester! And countless quilts completed (not to mention the 3 I didn't quite finish yet). I'm really not looking forward to classes starting again. But only a little over a year left until I finish my degree. I can do this..

The visit with Mom was nice. I was suprised things flowed so smoothly with seven extra people here. The kids were in heaven with 3 cousins to play with. Mom looks pretty good. Very tired. She cracked another rib last week. Coughing. It saddens me to see how this disease has progressed. And it scares me that it could be genetic. I look at all the cancer on her Dad's side the family, and the diabetes on her Mom's side the family, and I wonder what chance do I have?!

I'm looking forward to next year. I know alot of things will be different, but I am up for the challenges (I hope). Watching the kids grow and change is so amazing. I love the people they are becoming. It makes me so proud to see how independant they are. Man, I've got it so good.

It's About Time...

So, I've wanted to have a family picture taken for about 5 years now. But something always happens, and we don't get the family picture. Usually, it's 5 days before Christmas, I plop the kids in front of the tree, snap some pictures, run to WalMart with the better one, print off cards and call it done. This year, when Mike asked what I wanted for my birthday, my reply was a family picture. And clothes for me. Well, my birthday was in September. I went shopping and got myself some clothes. And I mentioned the family picture again, and again, and again. I finally called in Oct to get an appt. I really wanted the do them in the fall with the leaves. The place by the house here was booked. Solid. Until December. A new place opened up here in 'town', and I had seen some of her work and was pleased. So, I called and made an appointment. We finally took a family picture last week. So, I guess it will be five more years until we take another one! Anyway, here is the one we fell in love with. Actually, all the pictures turned out well. This is the one we are using in our family Christmas cards this year.

Mommy's Coming

My Mom is going to be here in a couple of hours. Along with my brother, his wife, their two daughters, my sister and her daughter. Should make for an interesting weekend!!

Oh, and Matthew will be testing for his orange belt tonight!!