So I have a couple of five years old and a 4.5 year old here. They are eating lunch, telling secrets and giggling... Man I love little girls.
They are planning their next get together. They are debating whether to have a dance party or a disco party... because it matters! When they are done eating, they will disappear to Lauren's room to dress and cover the carpet in as many toys are they can possible dump out from the closet and bins in her room.
I remember being their age. When having fun and playing were the most important part of my day. My Barbie and Cabbage Patch Doll where my best friends. Now I see my daughter, loving that same Cabbage Patch kid. And playing with her Barbie dolls and Polly Pockets. I love to see her lost in a world where her imagination can take her anywhere... and when she is surrounded by her friends, the possibilities of play are endless...
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
All Too Real...
There is a pile of clothes, books, golf clubs, shoes, and the rest of Mike's things in the family room right now. It's waiting for the movers to get here tomorrow. He's moving out. It's only "temporary". As temporary as a year in Korea can be. The entire thing is staring me in the face now, and I just want to run and hide. I'm ok most of the time.
I broke down last night on the way home from karate. I got in and just cried in his arms. He leaves in three weeks. Three weeks. The kids are starting to understand how close it's getting. I'm sick that it's as close as it is. I know that once he is gone, it will be easier. This anticipation of saying goodbye is the hardest part. I hope I can keep it together, at least in front of the kids.
I broke down last night on the way home from karate. I got in and just cried in his arms. He leaves in three weeks. Three weeks. The kids are starting to understand how close it's getting. I'm sick that it's as close as it is. I know that once he is gone, it will be easier. This anticipation of saying goodbye is the hardest part. I hope I can keep it together, at least in front of the kids.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Annoyed
I am sooo dang annoyed with one of my instructors this session.
The instructor for our ethics class (online) "borrowed" the sylabus from another instructor. She didn't bother to update it with her own information. The dates that assignments are due haven't been changed from last session either. There were some questions as to what was due, and she didn't give clear answers. Then she emailed the entire class and asked what we thought about her changing the format of what would be due. Quite a few students have emailed her back about this as well as asking for clarification on what we are expected to turn in for this class. She has yet to respond to ANYONE! It's getting really frustrating. Oh, and when she does type anything, be it in email or on the class forum, she types in all caps! HOW ANNOYING!!!
I just hope these next 7 weeks of this class go by pretty quick. I don't know long I can deal with the incompetence of an upper level college instructor. UGH
The instructor for our ethics class (online) "borrowed" the sylabus from another instructor. She didn't bother to update it with her own information. The dates that assignments are due haven't been changed from last session either. There were some questions as to what was due, and she didn't give clear answers. Then she emailed the entire class and asked what we thought about her changing the format of what would be due. Quite a few students have emailed her back about this as well as asking for clarification on what we are expected to turn in for this class. She has yet to respond to ANYONE! It's getting really frustrating. Oh, and when she does type anything, be it in email or on the class forum, she types in all caps! HOW ANNOYING!!!
I just hope these next 7 weeks of this class go by pretty quick. I don't know long I can deal with the incompetence of an upper level college instructor. UGH
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
On the Brink
I feel like I am on the brink of something. I know Mike leaving is a huge thing right now, but that isn't what this is about. Don't get me wrong, I am struggling with that too, but this is different.
This has to do with babies. And no, I'm not pregnant. I am very content with three children. And my kids are at a great age, independence wise. Lauren gave herself a bath last night without prompting. All of my children get themselves dressed every morning and make their own breakfast. It's amazing the little people they are. A few of my friends have told me how good I have it since my kids enjoy doing these things for themselves. And I agree with them. Mostly. I really miss them needing me to do things for them. And I think it's made me too lax in my parenting in other areas. I want my children to know that they are responsible for their actions, behaviors and fulfilling their role in the family. It takes all of us being there for ourselves and each other to make it. I certainly can't imagine doing everything for all of them all the time. There was a time a few years ago when I did. It had to be that way because of their ages. I am slowly turning things over to them.
So I guess what is bothering me is that most of my friends have kids younger than my own. That is great in it's own right, since I get to cuddle and snuggle their babies and give them back and sleep all night. But it makes me long for the days when my kids were that little. You know, the days we wish away when we say "if only he would feed himself", "if only she just go potty and not tell me everytime she needs to go", or "if only my kids would sleep in". Over Christmas break, my kids learned to sleep until about 9:30. It was heavenly. What was better was that when they did get up, they didn't feel the need to come wake us up. They made some cereal or waffles for breakfast, watched tv, drew pictures, and just played with each other. We were free to sleep in and just be lazy. And as much as I loved that freedom, I missed the snuggles in the morning (though Lauren will still occationally join me for a morning snuggle).
I guess we are at a new stage of this parenting/growing thing. Maybe I am just reflecting on their babyhood that seems to be so fleeting. My baby will be FIVE in a couple of months. And while it pains me to see them move on from something so familiar to me, I am encouraged by the prospect of what is to come. It's all a journey, and I feel like we are embarking on a new leg of the trip. I guess I need to pack those memories away for a while, and focus on the road ahead. I'm sure it will have some bumps, but in a few years, when we look back and long for the days when life seemed so different.
This has to do with babies. And no, I'm not pregnant. I am very content with three children. And my kids are at a great age, independence wise. Lauren gave herself a bath last night without prompting. All of my children get themselves dressed every morning and make their own breakfast. It's amazing the little people they are. A few of my friends have told me how good I have it since my kids enjoy doing these things for themselves. And I agree with them. Mostly. I really miss them needing me to do things for them. And I think it's made me too lax in my parenting in other areas. I want my children to know that they are responsible for their actions, behaviors and fulfilling their role in the family. It takes all of us being there for ourselves and each other to make it. I certainly can't imagine doing everything for all of them all the time. There was a time a few years ago when I did. It had to be that way because of their ages. I am slowly turning things over to them.
So I guess what is bothering me is that most of my friends have kids younger than my own. That is great in it's own right, since I get to cuddle and snuggle their babies and give them back and sleep all night. But it makes me long for the days when my kids were that little. You know, the days we wish away when we say "if only he would feed himself", "if only she just go potty and not tell me everytime she needs to go", or "if only my kids would sleep in". Over Christmas break, my kids learned to sleep until about 9:30. It was heavenly. What was better was that when they did get up, they didn't feel the need to come wake us up. They made some cereal or waffles for breakfast, watched tv, drew pictures, and just played with each other. We were free to sleep in and just be lazy. And as much as I loved that freedom, I missed the snuggles in the morning (though Lauren will still occationally join me for a morning snuggle).
I guess we are at a new stage of this parenting/growing thing. Maybe I am just reflecting on their babyhood that seems to be so fleeting. My baby will be FIVE in a couple of months. And while it pains me to see them move on from something so familiar to me, I am encouraged by the prospect of what is to come. It's all a journey, and I feel like we are embarking on a new leg of the trip. I guess I need to pack those memories away for a while, and focus on the road ahead. I'm sure it will have some bumps, but in a few years, when we look back and long for the days when life seemed so different.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
It's a New Year
I was asked today what New Year Resolutions I had made. My friend was suprised when I said none. I've tried making them in the past and by Jan 3 I have stopped, because I hate being restricted like that. Exercise more, eat less, eat healthier. Aren't those the big three? Well, yeah, I want to do those things, but for me, right now, they are not the biggest priorities. My focus this year is going to be to get through, as sanely as possible, as a single mother of three while my husband puts in his time in Korea. It's a choice we made together. I've known it was coming, and I chose not to dwell on it until after Christmas.
It's after Christmas. In 38 days my husband will board a flight for Korea. We've done this before. We are in a better place financially than we were then. I am in a much better place mentally than I was back then. But the kids are older. Last time, I moved back to my Mom's with a two year old and a four month old. This time, I am staying in our home with a nine year old, a seven year old and an almost five year old. Not only will I have to deal with my emotions over him being so far away, but also the emotions of our children over why Daddy is working so far away. We know the sacrifice is worth it in the big picture. But how do you make children see that? I know they will come through it just fine. It's just alot to look at right now. The holidays were a good distraction, but now, I have to face it head on, and it sucks. The anticipation and dread are there. And I know we will be fine. I just need to make it through the next month and a half, get us into a routine once he is gone, and things will be fine.
So, if I had to give any resolutions for 2006, it would be to be the there for my kids this year. We already see the obsticles in our path. We just need to make a plan to get through them as best we can.
It's after Christmas. In 38 days my husband will board a flight for Korea. We've done this before. We are in a better place financially than we were then. I am in a much better place mentally than I was back then. But the kids are older. Last time, I moved back to my Mom's with a two year old and a four month old. This time, I am staying in our home with a nine year old, a seven year old and an almost five year old. Not only will I have to deal with my emotions over him being so far away, but also the emotions of our children over why Daddy is working so far away. We know the sacrifice is worth it in the big picture. But how do you make children see that? I know they will come through it just fine. It's just alot to look at right now. The holidays were a good distraction, but now, I have to face it head on, and it sucks. The anticipation and dread are there. And I know we will be fine. I just need to make it through the next month and a half, get us into a routine once he is gone, and things will be fine.
So, if I had to give any resolutions for 2006, it would be to be the there for my kids this year. We already see the obsticles in our path. We just need to make a plan to get through them as best we can.
Monday, December 26, 2005
This and That
We had a good Christmas. The kids were spoiled and got nearly everything on their lists this year. Mike got a tshirt and PS2 game off his list as well as the ATV. And I got my one hour back massage (professional!!) and a wireless keyboard and mouse. I didn't ask for the keyboard and mouse, but MAN it's so nice to not have the dog sleeping on the wires!
I am sooo ready to take the tree down! Usually, I like to wait until the first week of January, but this year, I'm just tired of looking at it.
We are on the countdown until Mike leaves for Korea. He flies out on Feb 8. Too soon. I am hoping for a weekend away, just the two of us, before he leaves. It will interesting to see how the kids take it. They were way to young last time to understand. I think the boys will be fine, it's Lauren who will have the hardest time. The boys will get to email Daddy, and I think that will be pretty cool for them. I'm looking forward to this time next year, because we will be that much closer to him coming back home.
I am on break from school. I don't know how I pulled two As out of last semester! And countless quilts completed (not to mention the 3 I didn't quite finish yet). I'm really not looking forward to classes starting again. But only a little over a year left until I finish my degree. I can do this..
The visit with Mom was nice. I was suprised things flowed so smoothly with seven extra people here. The kids were in heaven with 3 cousins to play with. Mom looks pretty good. Very tired. She cracked another rib last week. Coughing. It saddens me to see how this disease has progressed. And it scares me that it could be genetic. I look at all the cancer on her Dad's side the family, and the diabetes on her Mom's side the family, and I wonder what chance do I have?!
I'm looking forward to next year. I know alot of things will be different, but I am up for the challenges (I hope). Watching the kids grow and change is so amazing. I love the people they are becoming. It makes me so proud to see how independant they are. Man, I've got it so good.
I am sooo ready to take the tree down! Usually, I like to wait until the first week of January, but this year, I'm just tired of looking at it.
We are on the countdown until Mike leaves for Korea. He flies out on Feb 8. Too soon. I am hoping for a weekend away, just the two of us, before he leaves. It will interesting to see how the kids take it. They were way to young last time to understand. I think the boys will be fine, it's Lauren who will have the hardest time. The boys will get to email Daddy, and I think that will be pretty cool for them. I'm looking forward to this time next year, because we will be that much closer to him coming back home.
I am on break from school. I don't know how I pulled two As out of last semester! And countless quilts completed (not to mention the 3 I didn't quite finish yet). I'm really not looking forward to classes starting again. But only a little over a year left until I finish my degree. I can do this..
The visit with Mom was nice. I was suprised things flowed so smoothly with seven extra people here. The kids were in heaven with 3 cousins to play with. Mom looks pretty good. Very tired. She cracked another rib last week. Coughing. It saddens me to see how this disease has progressed. And it scares me that it could be genetic. I look at all the cancer on her Dad's side the family, and the diabetes on her Mom's side the family, and I wonder what chance do I have?!
I'm looking forward to next year. I know alot of things will be different, but I am up for the challenges (I hope). Watching the kids grow and change is so amazing. I love the people they are becoming. It makes me so proud to see how independant they are. Man, I've got it so good.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
It's About Time...
So, I've wanted to have a family picture taken for about 5 years now. But something always happens, and we don't get the family picture. Usually, it's 5 days before Christmas, I plop the kids in front of the tree, snap some pictures, run to WalMart with the better one, print off cards and call it done. This year, when Mike asked what I wanted for my birthday, my reply was a family picture. And clothes for me. Well, my birthday was in September. I went shopping and got myself some clothes. And I mentioned the family picture again, and again, and again. I finally called in Oct to get an appt. I really wanted the do them in the fall with the leaves. The place by the house here was booked. Solid. Until December. A new place opened up here in 'town', and I had seen some of her work and was pleased. So, I called and made an appointment. We finally took a family picture last week. So, I guess it will be five more years until we take another one! Anyway, here is the one we fell in love with. Actually, all the pictures turned out well. This is the one we are using in our family Christmas cards this year.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Mommy's Coming
My Mom is going to be here in a couple of hours. Along with my brother, his wife, their two daughters, my sister and her daughter. Should make for an interesting weekend!!
Oh, and Matthew will be testing for his orange belt tonight!!
Oh, and Matthew will be testing for his orange belt tonight!!
Monday, December 12, 2005
What does it Matter?
I asked Mike to take the boys to Karate tonight, so I could work on the 7 quilts I need to complete by this weekend. He said he would, but I could tell he was annoyed. When I got home, he was in a rare mood... I asked what was wrong. Evidently, he doesn't mind taking the kids, but was upset that I waited so long to do these quilts, and now it's the last minute, and I am rushing. First off, what does it matter what I do with that time while he is gone? And does he not see that I am also a full time student, mother to three children and person trying to hold it all together?! I just don't understand what the deal was... wonder what he will say when I ask if he will take them again on Wednesday (so I can do the quilts, because tomorrow, I am finishing my classwork for this semester)?!
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Stage Sick
Lauren was in her first dance performance tonight. Her dance school did 'The Nutcracker'. At rehersal last night, she did great! She really liked being on stage, so I thought she would be fine tonight. For the first song, she was ok. She hid her face at first, but once the music came on she was fine. When her class came out for their second performance, she wasn't with them. I was shocked, and wondered where my baby girl was?! A couple minutes later, she comes on stage, with a teacher, hiding her face in her hands. She did dance, but hid her face the entire time she was on stage!! She said she was 'stage sick'. Here is a picture of my ballerina from tonight! Enjoy!
Monday, December 05, 2005
Happy Birthday Matthew!!!
I can not believe that my oldest child is NINE today!!
He had a great birthday celebration weekend. He had 3 friends sleep over Friday night. They hung out in the family room and took turns playing the playstation, the arcade and the game boys. (I should charge admission to my family room!) Saturday, we got up and headed down to Arkansas to pick up some quilts I had sent out. I called Matthew BEST friend to see if they could meet us, they moved 2 hours south of where we were going. They couldn't meet us, but invited us to come down to spend the night!! SO WE DID! Matthew was THRILLED to see his buddy Ryan, and we all had a great time!!! Here is a picture of Matthew from his party on Friday night.. he was opening a Star Wars game for his PS2, and he was totally suprised!!
Happy Birthday Matthew, you make me proud son!
He had a great birthday celebration weekend. He had 3 friends sleep over Friday night. They hung out in the family room and took turns playing the playstation, the arcade and the game boys. (I should charge admission to my family room!) Saturday, we got up and headed down to Arkansas to pick up some quilts I had sent out. I called Matthew BEST friend to see if they could meet us, they moved 2 hours south of where we were going. They couldn't meet us, but invited us to come down to spend the night!! SO WE DID! Matthew was THRILLED to see his buddy Ryan, and we all had a great time!!! Here is a picture of Matthew from his party on Friday night.. he was opening a Star Wars game for his PS2, and he was totally suprised!!
Happy Birthday Matthew, you make me proud son!
Friday, December 02, 2005
Night Out
Mike and I went out last night. He had a banquet for work, and we got to get all dressed up!! Here's a picture of us before we left!! Gotta love the star growing out of his head...
I love being an adult sometimes!
I love being an adult sometimes!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Merry Christmas to Me!
I got pulled over on the way to karate Monday night. Jacob and Lauren were sleeping. The officer came up to my window, asked for my license and went back to his car. Matthew turns to me and asks what I would do if he gave me a ticket. I told him that since I was speeding, I would just have to take it, and suffer the consequences. The officer came back, handing me my license, and a ticket. He set my court date for Jan 20. My fine is $100. I was doing 73 in a 55.. oops. As soon as Jacob and Lauren woke up, Matthew told them, "Guys, Mom got pulled over by a COP, and he gave her a ticket, and she has to pay up $100."
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Procrastinator
Yes, I procrastinate. I have homework due by 10 tonight. I will work on it at 8ish. Why do I always wait until the last minute?! I have about 15 quilts I need to finish by the 16th of December. I am starting them now. Because that's about a quilt a day!! HOLY CRAP! I think I work better under pressure. I get so easily distracted otherwise. I am sitting here thinking that I need to go put the last two pieces of border on my neice's quilt. And I need to switch out the laundry. And mop the floors. And clean the bathrooms. And take out something for dinner. And do I really have only 2 hours left until I need to go pick up the kids?! Wow.
Ok, I'll go finish that quilt. But not before I load the dishwasher!
Ok, I'll go finish that quilt. But not before I load the dishwasher!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Lucy is HOME!!!
She came back Friday morning around 9am. She just strolled up to the door like nothing... what a stinker!! I was sooo excited to see her. I really thought she was gone for good.
Now if we could just get Princess to do her business when we take her out instead of 5 minutes after we get back in, we will be golden in the pet department!
Here is a picture of our doggies!
Now if we could just get Princess to do her business when we take her out instead of 5 minutes after we get back in, we will be golden in the pet department!
Here is a picture of our doggies!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving
I hope everyone had a wonderful day full of friends, family and more food than you could possibly eat! We had a good day. We went to our friend's house and had a great meal and some good socialization! Best of all, we were all there.
Since it's a day to give thanks, here are five things I am thankful for:
1. My husband and children. I don't know where I would be in my life without them. I appreciate all the joy they bring into my life.
2. My extended family. With all their quirks and crap, I love them all. it's easy to get frustrated with them, but I know they all have helped to shape me into who I am.
3. Our home. We have been in this house for almost a year and a half. I am so thankful that we were able to buy a house, and make it a home. We have wonderful neighbors and a great community.
4. All the luxuries in my life. I realize just how much I have. I don't think I ever imagined I would be this blessed in life.
5. Health. My health, my kids health, Mike's health. The fact that my Mother isn't as sick as they thought. The fact that my Mother in Law is doing much better.
And on a sad note, my dog Lucy is missing. I let her out last night when I took our puppy out. She didn't come back in. Usually, she would be waiting at the door in the morning. It's been 21 hours and we haven't seen any sign of her. I am sick with worry... I pray she comes back.. I miss her.
Since it's a day to give thanks, here are five things I am thankful for:
1. My husband and children. I don't know where I would be in my life without them. I appreciate all the joy they bring into my life.
2. My extended family. With all their quirks and crap, I love them all. it's easy to get frustrated with them, but I know they all have helped to shape me into who I am.
3. Our home. We have been in this house for almost a year and a half. I am so thankful that we were able to buy a house, and make it a home. We have wonderful neighbors and a great community.
4. All the luxuries in my life. I realize just how much I have. I don't think I ever imagined I would be this blessed in life.
5. Health. My health, my kids health, Mike's health. The fact that my Mother isn't as sick as they thought. The fact that my Mother in Law is doing much better.
And on a sad note, my dog Lucy is missing. I let her out last night when I took our puppy out. She didn't come back in. Usually, she would be waiting at the door in the morning. It's been 21 hours and we haven't seen any sign of her. I am sick with worry... I pray she comes back.. I miss her.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Saturday was Jacob's 7th birthday!! I can't believe it's been 7 years since I gave birth to him. We had cake and ice cream with a few friends on Friday night, and he had two friends spend the night. On Saturday we got up and I took Jacob, his two friends, Matthew and his friend to see the new Harry Potter movie. Yes, I took FIVE boys ages 6-8 to the movies. It wasn't too bad. The 6 year old got scared at some points as did one of the 8 year olds. The kids really enjoyed the movie although Matthew kept whispering questions to me throughout! My only peeve with the movie is that Dumbledore's character is being butchered!!
All in all, he had a great birthday. He even raked in some cash! He said it wasn't his best because last year he got more presents! Oh well!
Here are a couple of pictures of the birthday boy!
I've included this one because of the boys... They coordinated at school that day so that they would all wear cammo jammied that night!! And I thought only girls were like that! hehe
I love this one of Mike and Jacob building with the erector set!
Only 14 days until we get to do it all again for Matthew's birthday!
All in all, he had a great birthday. He even raked in some cash! He said it wasn't his best because last year he got more presents! Oh well!
Here are a couple of pictures of the birthday boy!
I've included this one because of the boys... They coordinated at school that day so that they would all wear cammo jammied that night!! And I thought only girls were like that! hehe
I love this one of Mike and Jacob building with the erector set!
Only 14 days until we get to do it all again for Matthew's birthday!
Friday, November 18, 2005
Makin' Me Look Bad...
Progress reports came out today. I was reading over Matthew's and noticed he had a C+ in Art... I asked him about it, and he said
"Mom, they said they messed up those grades. They are makin' me look bad."
"Mom, they said they messed up those grades. They are makin' me look bad."
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Livin' the Bad Life
So what dictates a 'good life' versus a 'bad life'?
We have all heard people say they are livin' the good life or that someone has had a hard life. Haven't we all experienced hardships? How much of our idea of a 'good life' is based on perspective? I do understand that some people experience hardship after hardship. I also see people who, despite those hardships, walk with their heads held high and they keep going. Others, just lay down and quit.
I've had my share of hardships. I was molested. I had a miscarriage. My exhusband left me when I was four months pregnant with a child we tried to have. I have been divorced. I have filed bankrupcy. If you asked me how I would classify my life, I would tell you, without hesitation, that I've lead a good life. I'm happy with where I am, and mostly happy with who I am. I can't imagine that I would be happier if those things hadn't happened to me. I don't think I would appreciate where I am without those things that ground me.
I wonder if people's ideas of the kind of life they have lead matches what kind of life people think they have had. I mean some people may look at the things I have been through and say, Man, that bites... and someone else may say that's not too bad, it could be much worst. Perspective is an amazing thing.
We have all heard people say they are livin' the good life or that someone has had a hard life. Haven't we all experienced hardships? How much of our idea of a 'good life' is based on perspective? I do understand that some people experience hardship after hardship. I also see people who, despite those hardships, walk with their heads held high and they keep going. Others, just lay down and quit.
I've had my share of hardships. I was molested. I had a miscarriage. My exhusband left me when I was four months pregnant with a child we tried to have. I have been divorced. I have filed bankrupcy. If you asked me how I would classify my life, I would tell you, without hesitation, that I've lead a good life. I'm happy with where I am, and mostly happy with who I am. I can't imagine that I would be happier if those things hadn't happened to me. I don't think I would appreciate where I am without those things that ground me.
I wonder if people's ideas of the kind of life they have lead matches what kind of life people think they have had. I mean some people may look at the things I have been through and say, Man, that bites... and someone else may say that's not too bad, it could be much worst. Perspective is an amazing thing.
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