Tile: Day 16/366

House repairs and cleaning continue around here. Tonight I scrubbed the grout under the kitchen table. The grout is chipped in a few places and needs some attention. I figured I should clean it before trying to match the color for the repairs.

Too Pink: Day 15/366

We painted the kids bathroom and hallway today. The color we choose as a neutral was just a little too much on the pink side. Luckily I had paint left over from when we remodeled our bathroom last spring. This picture shows the difference in the two colors.

Angry Bird: Day 14/366

Still working on the house. This is one of our Angry Bird pumpkins Matthew painted for Halloween.

Tree: Day 13/366

We are busy getting the house ready to sell. Here is a picture I took at my Mother-in-law's house over Christmas. I love her tree!!

Hash Browns: Day 12/366

A few weeks ago we ate breakfast at Waffle House. The boys all got the hash browns and loved them. I made my own version this morning and they were a hit!!

Storage: Day 11/366

Along with painting, we are also putting excess stuff into a storage unit to stage the house. I made two trips this morning... I think I'll have a couple more boxes ready to go tonight as well. I can't wait to done with this phase. I really hope the house sells quickly so that we don't have to stress over possibly renting it.

Wrong Color: Day 10/366

I've been working really hard to get the house ready to be put on the market. I was painting the wall in my room earlier where some drywall had been repaired. Only after I was finished did I notice I used the wrong shade! Doh!!

Crashing: Day 9/366

This picture was taken two years ago. Matthew built a snowman and decided to plow himself through it! We haven't had any snow yet this yet, though they are forecasting a little for later this week.

Scruffy: 8/366

Mike headed back to Ft. Campbell today. Only about 4.5 months until we get to live together full time!!I can't wait!

Foggy: Day 7/366

I took this picture last January. The neighbor's street light cast an eerie glow through the fog.

We spent most of the day boxing us stuff for storage in anticipation of our move this summer, so I didn't take any pictures.

Cross Pistols: 6/366

Mike and I were on post running errands today. He wanted to stop at the Military Police Memorial Park to see the new statue that was installed in September. The picture above it the cross pistols above the entrance to the park.

Twisted: 5/366

Lauren wanted me to braid her hair last night so that she would have wavy hair today.

Turkey: Day 4/366

We received a turkey fryer from my Dad a few years ago. It has become our favorite way to prepare a turkey. It's fast and the meat is so juicy and tender.

Stacked: Day 3/366

Jacob started stacking the left over red cups after our New Years Eve party. The next day I was out running errands and he asked me to pick up more cups for him. He keeps stacking and restacking the cups into different shapes. He has even taken to timing himself to see how fast he can stack them. Who knew it could be so cheap to entertain this kid!!

Bookworm: Day 2/366

I love reading. Trying to finish a couple of books before my next semester starts.

Revival: Day 1/366

I'm going to try to revive this blog. I intend to post a photo a day for this entire year. It's a leap year, so there will be a bonus day! The picture below was taken shortly after midnight last night. We had friends over to celebrate the New Year. The picture was taken with my iPhone 4.



I plan to use this photo-a-day exercise as a way to improve my photography skills. I know the above picture won't win any awards, but it's the only picture I've taken today.

How Nerdy

My boys went to a school dance tonight. I am getting ready to go pick them up!! Here is a picture of them before the dance!!

Flowing forward

Things are still unsettled here. Forward motion is the name of the game. Mike should be home for R&R in less than 30 days. This makes me happy beyong measure.
The kids and I are going to visit my mother-in-law next weekend. It's been a while and I am looking forward to being in her presence.
My friendships with others continue to change. I lost a friend earlier this month to me being completely honest with her about something that I don't easily share with others. It hurts me that she would abandon me when I was only trying to be forthcoming. At the same time, I am glad that she was able to express her feelings and do what she felt was right for herself. The part that hurts the most was that I have listened to her and not judged her for her choices or the things she has shared with me and she couldn't give me that same unconditional friendship back. Something else that bothers me is that I don't think it's what I shared that drove her away. I think I hit too close to something that is hurting inside her and she can't bear to face it right now. I will write her back and tell her how I am feeling. And that the friendship is always there if she chooses to come back.
Aside from all of the above, I am doing well in school, working 2 days a week and subbing alot on my days 'off'. The kids keep me busy and I find things to fill any free time so as not to dwell on the bad. It's working for now, though I do know that I need to do some work with the bad to make is good.
(The pics above were taken at Stone Mill Spring. Click on them to see them larger.)

Can't Sleep

I don't have nights like this very often. I went to bed an hour ago, hoping for sleep. Instead, I cried and tossed and sobbed and turned. My heart feels so heavy today. I know part of it is hormones. A bigger part of it is missing my Mom. The other part is not having my husband near to hold me.

I think we all take for granted the power of physical touch. When children are born, we are encouraged to snuggle them. I've always been fascinated how kangaroo care for premature babies is so beneficial. We are encouraged to massage our babies and hug our children. We can see how close someone is when they touch another's arm during a converstaion, began and end a visit with a hug.

Living the military life for the past 17 years, I've not had much opportunity to be close in proximity to my family. I've gone to visit as often as I can and they come to visit us as well. I often wonder how my life, our lives, would be different if we lived closer to family.

Mike has been in Afghanistan for four months now. I visited my family in Louisiana for a weekend in June when my brother got married. We also visited Mike's Mom in June. Since then, it's just been me and the kids.

The biggest thing I'm struggling with right now is feeling safe with my emotions. My Mom was always a source of comfort for me. Ever since I left for the Army, at 18 years old, I spoke to my Mom as often as I could. Almost always daily, sometimes multiple times a day. The thing I miss most is being able to pick up the phone and reach her when I need her. There have been so many times when I've grabbed my phone to call and remembered that she isn't there.

I think the best way to describe how I felt after she passed away was untethered. I feel like my Mom and my husband are my anchors. Without her, I feel like I'm floating. Mike being deployed only 5 months later didn't help. There have been so many times when I've just wanted, needed, to be held and I don't have that luxury. My fear is the next time I see him, and I am in his arms, I will just fall apart.

I feel like everyone expects me to be so strong and so many things they tell me that I am. It's hard to live up to those expectations. So how do I go to those people and tell them that I'm breaking? It hurts that there is no one here to help catch me when I fall.

Ruins

There has been lots of heavy stuff posted here since I've been posting again. Really, it's why I am posting; because I am carrying alot of heaviness right now and this is a safe place for me to write about it.

I got a call yesterday from my Step-dad. He checks in pretty regularly. He asked how we were and when would Mike be coming home on R&R. I told him sometime around Nov. He replied "Mine is never coming back" and just started to cry. I feel so much hurt for him. I can't imagine the pain he is feeling. I just replied that we all miss her and it's so different without her. He said a few more things that just confirm what he is struggling with. I pray for peace for him.


On a lighter note, I took the kids to a nearby state park today. I had heard of the place a few times before and decided we would go check it out. The pics above were all taken today at Ha Ha Tonka State Park. It is a beautiful place and I can't wait to go back and explore more trails there. I think this will be a beautiful place to go this fall with the kids.