It All Began During my Second Pregnancy

I was getting out of the shower this morning and Lauren came into the bathroom. We had the following conversation:

Her: I can see you naked because we are both girls.

Me: Well, I have the same part as you do.

Her: Yours are bigger!

Me: Only because my body is bigger, and well, I've had a few kids.

Her: Yeah, well, when you were pregnant with Jacob in your belly, he kicked my Egg!

All I could do was laugh!

On 'Vacation', Part 1

So, things are CRAZY! I am on ‘vacation’. We arrived here in Louisiana last Monday. We have been here for a week now. I have been to Target (TWICE!), Wal-Mart (more times than I can count), eaten at Olive Garden and finished a term paper, a midterm and an essay. OH, I’ve also attended TWO baby showers! And today I have a shrimp po-boy, crab stew and boiled crabs! YUM! Things are going fairly well. There hasn’t been much drama or conflict with my sisters yet. I’ve received two emails from Mike as well as two phone calls. The kids are having a great time. They are loving the fact that COUSINS live just around the corner! They slept at my sister’s house last night. All three kids!! It was, um, weird! to not have them here with me. But nice because I was able to finish my mid-term in relative peace.

Of course, this wouldn’t be ‘home’ without drama. The drama is between my Mom’s family. My Grandmother is sick. She has four children. Oldest Uncle Son, Oldest Daughter, My Mom, and Youngest Son. Youngest Son has everything handed to him by Maw Maw (my grandmother). He works, makes good money, and does drugs. He has NOTHING to show for his life. She pays his truck note, insurance and provides a place for him to live and food to eat. He does nothing for her. Oldest Son lives next door. His wife runs over to help Maw Maw numerous times a day. They give her all her insulin shots as well. Oldest Daughter doesn’t come around. Hasn’t in about 2 months. My Mom lives around the corner from Maw Maw. Since I have been home I have witnessed everyone talk about the issues with Youngest Son. I have listened as stories get passed back and forth. This one says one thing and the other reports it to someone else. It’s like that game in school where you whisper something to the person next to you and by the time it reaches the last person, the story has changed so much it hardly recognizable. It amazes me that no one will tell Maw Maw all the drama going on behind the scenes. It also amazed me that Maw Maw is so blind she can’t see how her son is draining everything she has right from under her.

I don’t handle conflict very well. It is hard for me to be here witnessing all of this taking place. I want to sit everyone down and make them see what I see. But I know that is not realistic. And I am sure there is more to this than I what I am aware of. It is just so hard to watch the drama unfold. Knowing how much it hurts my Mom.

This trip has been eye opening for me. I’ve come to realize that my family has changed in the thirteen years since I moved away. So many things are still the same. But my family isn’t the same as it was when I left. Or maybe it is and I have just changed so much I am viewing them all through different eyes. I can feel something inside of me changing. The past month has been a time of personal growth for me. It isn’t something I can point out, but I know some changes are happening. I am becoming more aware of a lot of things around me. There is a lot of change happening in my life right now. I feel it’s a time of redirecting my priorities.

With Mike being gone I have been thinking a lot more about where I want my life to go. It’s easy to settle into a routine when we are together and not think too far into the future. With this deployment, I find I am more focused on our long-term goals. I see where I want us to be and I am working on getting us there.

Ok, I have so many more things going through my mind right now. It is hard to capture them all and get them down. I’ll write more later, but wanted to at least start to write about the things going on.

I’ll close with a crappy thing that happened to me on Friday. My Mom, my Sister, her daughter, my other neice, my three kids and I were getting ready to go out to eat breakfast. As I was loading the kids into the truck my sister says “You aren’t going anywhere in that truck”.. I looked down and my tire was FLAT! To the RIM, flat! We used my Mom’s car the rest of the day. The next day I got the tire fixed. Hopefully it holds up for a LONG time!! But man, what a crappy way to start the day!

Doing Better

I am happy to say that Lauren seems to be over the virus. She has been fever free for about 36 hours now!! Woohoo!!

I'm doing much better as far as dealing with things right now. And the kids were awesome today!!
Time to go to bed and sleep before something too bad happens! hehe

He Called...

I missed TWO calls from Mike yesterday. TWO. I had taken Lauren a doctors appointment for the fever the keeps spiking. Seems it's just a virus. I really hope we see the end of this virus soon. I can't stand to watch her with the fever anymore. She is fine between fevers, but when her temps start to go up she just goes to bed. And sleeps. Until I figure out, HEY, she is doing it again, go drug her! She has only had motrin once today... it's a start I guess.

I stayed busy today. Mike called last night around 9 and it totally made me happy. He called again this morning and I have to say hearing from him totally makes my day. After I spoke with him today we walked a little over a mile (kids pooped out on me), sanded and repainted the boys baseboards, cleaned out the workshop so that when I'm on vacation the dogs don't destroy everything, burnt trash, cleaned the cusion thing for Mike's ATV, moved some things around in the garage so I can park the van in there while I'm gone, and even managed to grill some pork chops for dinner. It was a wonderful day. The kids have been in better moods as well.

So, before I leave for Louisiana on Monday I have to finish a term paper, do my homework due tomorrow, a quiz due Saturday, and two essays due Sunday. I need to vacuum out both vehicles and armor all the interiors. I have to get the laundry all caught up and pack for all of us. I have to finish sewing some pillowcases I was supposed to do back in January, and drop those off with a birthday gift for the party we misses last weekend. Hmmm, what else. OH, I need to go to the commisary tomorrow for dog food so they don't run out while I'm gone. And I'd like the leave the house as clean as possible so I don't come home to a mess. We get back on the 1st of August and the floors will be sanded and refinished in the boys rooms on the 3rd. On the 2nd, I'll be busy unpacking and getting groceries.. joy.

Ok, I'm going to go shower now and get started on that quiz, so I can pretend I don't have a term paper due!
Here is a picture of Mike from June, when he was in Florida visiting his Mom. She shot it and I altered it. He is my hero!

Half Way Better Day...

My mood did improve some this afternoon. PMS is a bitch.

The kids are still driving me insane. Hopefully now that the hormones are leveling out again I can handle them better.

I still haven't heard from Mike since I missed his call yesterday. I am getting pretty upset about it. I really want to hear his voice. I saved the message on the machine so I can play it again and again.

Lauren is still sick. It's been over a week. The fever is starting to come back before the meds wear off. I hope they can get her into the clinic first thing in the morning. I am getting very worried about her.

Amy and I took the kids on base tonight to watch the fireworks. After we got back the kids and I did some fireworks we bought the other day. The kids had a good time.

Why is it so exhausting to just BE sometimes?!

Hard Day

Today just sucked. I missed Mike’s call. And this is the day when I really need to hear his voice. I am so sad right now. I can’t even think straight. I know we will make it through this year, but God it hurts so much to be so far away. I am terrified of what could happen. I am really trying to stay strong. To hold it in and keep going. But sometimes the weight of it all is just so much to bear. I am so frustrated and sensitive right now. I can’t deal with anything. The kids haven’t done anything specific, but MAN they are driving me insane. I just want to be alone in a quiet place with nothing to think or worry about. I want to escape my feeling and thoughts for a while.
I sent Mike a few emails over the last few days. All I got back was a seven word reply. From one of the emails. This shit is going to kill me, I swear.

ER Frequent Flyer Miles...

I swear there should be a club!

I took Lauren to the ER tonight. She has had a fever of unknown origin since last weekend. It was getting better (not as high) and we were able to go longer between doses of motrin. This morning it was back up to 102.6 and six hours after the motrin was back up to 102. An hour after another dose of meds only brought her temp down to 99.9, so off we went to the hospital. They did a UA on her because of her kidney reflux and everything looked fine. She has no other symptoms, so the dr wrote it off as a virus. I just hope we see the end of this soon. I hate when she feels miserable. And I am exhausted!

A Phone Call and Lots of Wood

Things are going well. I got an email from Mike this morning that made my day, then he called later and I was thrilled! We are getting lots of great feedback and info from his unit's rear detachment and I think that totally helps at this point. It's nice to know they are concerned about the friends and family members as well as the soldiers.

The floor guys came today. They installed the floor in Matthew's room and started in Jacob's room. They have to come back tomorrow to finish the installation. Next week a different guy will come and sand and refinish the floors. Here are a few pictures from today... click them for a bigger view.

He called again!!!!

YAY!! He just called back!!
It is so wonderful to hear his voice. He said all is well. A friend of ours is scheduled to arrive tonight and his old unit from our last duty station is there, so he knows more people.

Ok, I MUST finish pulling the tack strips and baseboards out of the boys rooms. The floors are being laid tomorrow!!

... and I missed it!

Mike called this morning to say that they had arrived safely in Kuwait. The phone by my bed doesn't work (the answering machine does though). By the time I realized it was the phone ringing and got to the other phone, he had hung up! UGH! To make it all worse, when I got up a couple hours later, I realized that I had never hung the phone back up, ruining any chance that we would call back! UGH!

SO, Mike, if you are reading this, I love you, I am sorry I am a complete moron when I am woken up. Please call me back soon!

Countdown

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

Floored

I never thought I could get so excited over wood floors!!

I have wanted to pull the carpet up from one of the kids rooms for a long time. The room that is now Jacob's (used to be Lauren's) has a stench to it from the dog using it as a potty area. It seems I can smell it more than anyone, but it bugs me to know that the carpet is gross! I checked prices at Lowe's a few months ago to have hardwood put in that room. It was going to run about $850-$900 for an 11X11 room. When no one showed up to do the estimate, I canceled the whole process.

Last week, a friend refered me to a place that sells used furniture for really cheap. I found a couple of desk I wanted for the boys rooms for $20 each. I was talking to the guy and saw they had hardwood floors. They came out of the houses and such they are tearing out of buildings on base. It just so happens that the hardwoods that are in my house are from old WWII building, on base. So this wood is a perfect match!! I asked how much, he said it was $1.50/sq ft for the wood and $1.50/sq ft to have them install it. I would have to pull the old carpet and take off the baseboards. Totally doable. Also, once installed, the new floors would need to be sanded and refinished. I called the contractor we were talking to about doing an addition and he gave me the right price to come finish the floors!!! Woohooo!!

So, next Wednesday, new floors will be installed in the boys rooms!! This weekend will be spend pulling carpet... I can't wait! LOL

I'll post some before and after pics... stay tuned!

Waiting

The time has come. Monday marks the departure from Korea. He is moving on.
I am scared. I am nervous. I am going to make it through this.
I know that there will be so many emotions over the next 12 months. But I know that JoY will prevail once he is safely in my arms once again. I can hardly wait for the joy.

Overheard..

The next generation of Super Heroes were in my van today...
This is what I heard...

"There aren't any villans yet. Once we get ready and have our super powers then there will be super villans to capture!"

I wish I lived in their world sometimes!

Tagged Again...

From Silly

I AM: up way later than I should be
I WANT: my husband to come back home safely
I HATE: ticks!
I LOVE: my husband and children

I MISS: Mike
I FEAR: losing my husband
I HEAR: the aquarium
I WONDER: where life will take me
I REGRET: not going to school sooner (because then I would be finished!)

I AM NOT: very confident with myself
I DANCE: only with babies!
I SING: alot when I am driving

I AM NOT ALWAYS: right. (thought I try to be!)
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: shadow puppets?!
I WRITE: because it helps me to articulate how I feel
I CONFUSE: simple words sometimes
I NEED: my friends
I SHOULD: not procrastinate on my schoolwork
I START: a lot of things
I FINISH: only those things that are important to me

For You, Mike...

It's Father's Day and I just wanted you to know how wonderful of a father you are. Our children are so lucky to have you. You are the perfect balance of compassion, discipline, and fun. I am in awe everytime I watch you with our children. The way they look up to you (and not just because you are so tall) just melts my heart. I just want you to know how very much it means to me that my lover, my best friend, is also the best father I know. We love you.
I thought I would post some pics of the kids from today... who wouldn't be proud to call these children their own!

Hey There, Tiger

It's been a good week so far. Much better than that first week after Mike left in Feb. The weather has been phenomenal. We have been outside playing everyday once the kids get home from 'summer school'. (I use the quotes because even though this program is through the school, it's fun, free, included breakfast and lunch and pays my kids if they have perfect attendance for all 20 days they are in session. You can't beat it!) Tomorrow a friend and I will take the kids to the pool on base after school. It should be fun. I was watering the yard this evening and decided to take some pictures of the tiger lillies in the front yard before they dry up (we need rain!). Here is one of the lillies as well as one of the wagon wheel in my flower bed.

Good Day, Sunshine

I got a lot accomplished today.

I spoke with the Mom of the incident again today. I have told her that sleepovers are off and that I must be there for play dates at her home. I know I am making the right choice here, it's just hard to be so firm sometimes. But it's my child and it has to be this way. Crazy thing is that I probably wouldn't set as firm of a boundary if the situation didn't involve my child, only myself.

I got to see and speak to Mike online this morning. It sucks that he is so far away, but it is comforting to be able to see him.

A friend came to make invites for her daughter's birthday party. I think they came out cute and she was happy with them as well.

Another friend stopped in to say HI... I love her! :) It seems she always pops up when I need to see her most.

After that I tinkered around the house a bit then went out to cut the grass. I am so thankful Mike fixed the riding lawnmower while he was home. I would have not gotten the yard done if I had to use the push mower again.

The kids got home and we finished separating the boys clothes. They got their own rooms last week and I still needed to get some of Lauren’s things out of Jake’s new closet. Once we finished with the boys stuff, I went through Lauren’s clothes and pulled out the things that no longer fit or that she just won’t wear. I am having a yard sale this weekend and figured now was as good a time as any to get this done and out of the house.

After dinner I had to replace the belt on the vacuum and clean dog hair. I also brushed one of the dogs. The other wouldn’t sit still long enough!

Now I am just surfin’ the net. I think I’m going to go give my dog a bath.

It’s days like today that make me feel really good. I feel like I got a lot done. I hope tomorrow is just as busy!

What do you do?

Say your daughter goes to spend the night at a friend's house.

Say she tells you that she saw the father's butt. naked.

Say it is because he went to the kitchen to get a drink in the middle of the night and because he thought everyone was asleep, didn't bother to put any clothes on.


What would you do?



Lauren went to spend the night at a friend's house. Around 11:30 that night I felt like I just needed her home. Like something was wrong. I tried to shake the feeling, but I couldn't. I finally called to just check on her. The Mom answered the phone and said that her daughter was sleeping but that Lauren was still awake. I asked to talk to her and she was fine. I then told the Mom that I just had a strange feeling and I needed to her to bring Lauren home (Mike was gone and the boys were asleep). She brought her home and I was talking to her. She mentioned that while she was watching tv she saw the Dad's butt. I asked if she saw anything else and she said no. I left it at that. The more I thought about it though, the more uncomfortable I grew with the entire situation. First, I was upset she was up at midnight when I called. Then I was upset that he was irresponsible with my child in the house. The girls were sleeping on the sofa bed so they were in view of the kitchen.
I spoke to the Mom yesterday and told her that I was uncomfortable with what I learned from Lauren and that sleepovers are off as well as playdates (at least for the time being). She said that he does sleep nude and occationally will go get a drink that way once everyone is asleep. I told her that what they do within their family is not my business, but it was irresponsible of him to do it while someone else's child was in the home. I told her that I have issues of my own and that I was not happy with the situation. I often sleep in just a tshirt and panties, but if the kids have friend's over, I always put on shorts as well because you never know when they will be awake or what not.
Man this parenting this is hard. I am glad my "Mommy radar" went off. But I am now even more fearful about letting my kids, particularly Lauren, sleep at friend's houses. As of right now, I have put a ban on sleepovers. For all of my kids.

Three Things

The Good:

1. Mike's trip was completed safely.

2. My student loan money came through. WooHoo!!

The Bad:

1. Stepdad in hospital. Tree limb on head = concussion and fractured skull.

2. Issue with daughter's friend and a sleepover.. ugh.

The Exhausted:

ME!!! Please let the kids sleep LATE tomorrow morning!