So I have a couple of five years old and a 4.5 year old here. They are eating lunch, telling secrets and giggling... Man I love little girls.
They are planning their next get together. They are debating whether to have a dance party or a disco party... because it matters! When they are done eating, they will disappear to Lauren's room to dress and cover the carpet in as many toys are they can possible dump out from the closet and bins in her room.
I remember being their age. When having fun and playing were the most important part of my day. My Barbie and Cabbage Patch Doll where my best friends. Now I see my daughter, loving that same Cabbage Patch kid. And playing with her Barbie dolls and Polly Pockets. I love to see her lost in a world where her imagination can take her anywhere... and when she is surrounded by her friends, the possibilities of play are endless...
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
All Too Real...
There is a pile of clothes, books, golf clubs, shoes, and the rest of Mike's things in the family room right now. It's waiting for the movers to get here tomorrow. He's moving out. It's only "temporary". As temporary as a year in Korea can be. The entire thing is staring me in the face now, and I just want to run and hide. I'm ok most of the time.
I broke down last night on the way home from karate. I got in and just cried in his arms. He leaves in three weeks. Three weeks. The kids are starting to understand how close it's getting. I'm sick that it's as close as it is. I know that once he is gone, it will be easier. This anticipation of saying goodbye is the hardest part. I hope I can keep it together, at least in front of the kids.
I broke down last night on the way home from karate. I got in and just cried in his arms. He leaves in three weeks. Three weeks. The kids are starting to understand how close it's getting. I'm sick that it's as close as it is. I know that once he is gone, it will be easier. This anticipation of saying goodbye is the hardest part. I hope I can keep it together, at least in front of the kids.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Annoyed
I am sooo dang annoyed with one of my instructors this session.
The instructor for our ethics class (online) "borrowed" the sylabus from another instructor. She didn't bother to update it with her own information. The dates that assignments are due haven't been changed from last session either. There were some questions as to what was due, and she didn't give clear answers. Then she emailed the entire class and asked what we thought about her changing the format of what would be due. Quite a few students have emailed her back about this as well as asking for clarification on what we are expected to turn in for this class. She has yet to respond to ANYONE! It's getting really frustrating. Oh, and when she does type anything, be it in email or on the class forum, she types in all caps! HOW ANNOYING!!!
I just hope these next 7 weeks of this class go by pretty quick. I don't know long I can deal with the incompetence of an upper level college instructor. UGH
The instructor for our ethics class (online) "borrowed" the sylabus from another instructor. She didn't bother to update it with her own information. The dates that assignments are due haven't been changed from last session either. There were some questions as to what was due, and she didn't give clear answers. Then she emailed the entire class and asked what we thought about her changing the format of what would be due. Quite a few students have emailed her back about this as well as asking for clarification on what we are expected to turn in for this class. She has yet to respond to ANYONE! It's getting really frustrating. Oh, and when she does type anything, be it in email or on the class forum, she types in all caps! HOW ANNOYING!!!
I just hope these next 7 weeks of this class go by pretty quick. I don't know long I can deal with the incompetence of an upper level college instructor. UGH
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
On the Brink
I feel like I am on the brink of something. I know Mike leaving is a huge thing right now, but that isn't what this is about. Don't get me wrong, I am struggling with that too, but this is different.
This has to do with babies. And no, I'm not pregnant. I am very content with three children. And my kids are at a great age, independence wise. Lauren gave herself a bath last night without prompting. All of my children get themselves dressed every morning and make their own breakfast. It's amazing the little people they are. A few of my friends have told me how good I have it since my kids enjoy doing these things for themselves. And I agree with them. Mostly. I really miss them needing me to do things for them. And I think it's made me too lax in my parenting in other areas. I want my children to know that they are responsible for their actions, behaviors and fulfilling their role in the family. It takes all of us being there for ourselves and each other to make it. I certainly can't imagine doing everything for all of them all the time. There was a time a few years ago when I did. It had to be that way because of their ages. I am slowly turning things over to them.
So I guess what is bothering me is that most of my friends have kids younger than my own. That is great in it's own right, since I get to cuddle and snuggle their babies and give them back and sleep all night. But it makes me long for the days when my kids were that little. You know, the days we wish away when we say "if only he would feed himself", "if only she just go potty and not tell me everytime she needs to go", or "if only my kids would sleep in". Over Christmas break, my kids learned to sleep until about 9:30. It was heavenly. What was better was that when they did get up, they didn't feel the need to come wake us up. They made some cereal or waffles for breakfast, watched tv, drew pictures, and just played with each other. We were free to sleep in and just be lazy. And as much as I loved that freedom, I missed the snuggles in the morning (though Lauren will still occationally join me for a morning snuggle).
I guess we are at a new stage of this parenting/growing thing. Maybe I am just reflecting on their babyhood that seems to be so fleeting. My baby will be FIVE in a couple of months. And while it pains me to see them move on from something so familiar to me, I am encouraged by the prospect of what is to come. It's all a journey, and I feel like we are embarking on a new leg of the trip. I guess I need to pack those memories away for a while, and focus on the road ahead. I'm sure it will have some bumps, but in a few years, when we look back and long for the days when life seemed so different.
This has to do with babies. And no, I'm not pregnant. I am very content with three children. And my kids are at a great age, independence wise. Lauren gave herself a bath last night without prompting. All of my children get themselves dressed every morning and make their own breakfast. It's amazing the little people they are. A few of my friends have told me how good I have it since my kids enjoy doing these things for themselves. And I agree with them. Mostly. I really miss them needing me to do things for them. And I think it's made me too lax in my parenting in other areas. I want my children to know that they are responsible for their actions, behaviors and fulfilling their role in the family. It takes all of us being there for ourselves and each other to make it. I certainly can't imagine doing everything for all of them all the time. There was a time a few years ago when I did. It had to be that way because of their ages. I am slowly turning things over to them.
So I guess what is bothering me is that most of my friends have kids younger than my own. That is great in it's own right, since I get to cuddle and snuggle their babies and give them back and sleep all night. But it makes me long for the days when my kids were that little. You know, the days we wish away when we say "if only he would feed himself", "if only she just go potty and not tell me everytime she needs to go", or "if only my kids would sleep in". Over Christmas break, my kids learned to sleep until about 9:30. It was heavenly. What was better was that when they did get up, they didn't feel the need to come wake us up. They made some cereal or waffles for breakfast, watched tv, drew pictures, and just played with each other. We were free to sleep in and just be lazy. And as much as I loved that freedom, I missed the snuggles in the morning (though Lauren will still occationally join me for a morning snuggle).
I guess we are at a new stage of this parenting/growing thing. Maybe I am just reflecting on their babyhood that seems to be so fleeting. My baby will be FIVE in a couple of months. And while it pains me to see them move on from something so familiar to me, I am encouraged by the prospect of what is to come. It's all a journey, and I feel like we are embarking on a new leg of the trip. I guess I need to pack those memories away for a while, and focus on the road ahead. I'm sure it will have some bumps, but in a few years, when we look back and long for the days when life seemed so different.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
It's a New Year
I was asked today what New Year Resolutions I had made. My friend was suprised when I said none. I've tried making them in the past and by Jan 3 I have stopped, because I hate being restricted like that. Exercise more, eat less, eat healthier. Aren't those the big three? Well, yeah, I want to do those things, but for me, right now, they are not the biggest priorities. My focus this year is going to be to get through, as sanely as possible, as a single mother of three while my husband puts in his time in Korea. It's a choice we made together. I've known it was coming, and I chose not to dwell on it until after Christmas.
It's after Christmas. In 38 days my husband will board a flight for Korea. We've done this before. We are in a better place financially than we were then. I am in a much better place mentally than I was back then. But the kids are older. Last time, I moved back to my Mom's with a two year old and a four month old. This time, I am staying in our home with a nine year old, a seven year old and an almost five year old. Not only will I have to deal with my emotions over him being so far away, but also the emotions of our children over why Daddy is working so far away. We know the sacrifice is worth it in the big picture. But how do you make children see that? I know they will come through it just fine. It's just alot to look at right now. The holidays were a good distraction, but now, I have to face it head on, and it sucks. The anticipation and dread are there. And I know we will be fine. I just need to make it through the next month and a half, get us into a routine once he is gone, and things will be fine.
So, if I had to give any resolutions for 2006, it would be to be the there for my kids this year. We already see the obsticles in our path. We just need to make a plan to get through them as best we can.
It's after Christmas. In 38 days my husband will board a flight for Korea. We've done this before. We are in a better place financially than we were then. I am in a much better place mentally than I was back then. But the kids are older. Last time, I moved back to my Mom's with a two year old and a four month old. This time, I am staying in our home with a nine year old, a seven year old and an almost five year old. Not only will I have to deal with my emotions over him being so far away, but also the emotions of our children over why Daddy is working so far away. We know the sacrifice is worth it in the big picture. But how do you make children see that? I know they will come through it just fine. It's just alot to look at right now. The holidays were a good distraction, but now, I have to face it head on, and it sucks. The anticipation and dread are there. And I know we will be fine. I just need to make it through the next month and a half, get us into a routine once he is gone, and things will be fine.
So, if I had to give any resolutions for 2006, it would be to be the there for my kids this year. We already see the obsticles in our path. We just need to make a plan to get through them as best we can.
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